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do you want to change your life? get into brain draining!! i write 3 pages of dreams, daily recaps, whimsical nonsense, rants, complaints, gratitudes, and anything else i can think of first thing in the morning with coffee. explanation linked 🔗
and if you really want to have a rebirth, do the entire artists way with someone else or in a group. always down to chat about it ❣️
Jan 8, 2024
Related Recs
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Lately I’ve been diving headfirst into things I’d usually ignore. random creative ideas, new communities, reading things I’d usually scroll past. Not all of it makes sense, but something about the mess feels electric. It’s not clarity, but it’s motion. And sometimes that’s all you need to shake things up.
PS: Just personal stuff, not work.
11h ago
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-> is a quote from my journal that i wrote in a few long months ago. like with what i write, ever, i always expect whatever thoughts and feelings i express to amount to none or be something i cringe at. i don't want that to happen anymore, no matter how seen this account is.
-> i'll often confuse myself as to what being different means, because with black and white thinking it really is like turning an on and off switch. the changes come how i wanted them to be, and everything else different in me gets swept aside or doesn't change at all.
-> deep down, i know change needs to happen. in that same journal, i'd write off-hand phrases of "maybe some on-spirit growth can happen i don't know". i'd sweep my wishes away because they felt too grand for me to deserve or act upon.
-> right now, i'm good at acknowledging my issues and admitting to them, even if its to myself. i'm at a standstill of what to do about them, but i'm hoping to start thinking of it as practice. as a rehearsal, that being better is muscle memory. there's no switch to it and i guess i need to concurrently shape whatever i do.
-> but that's it, for something that i feel like would bring grand change to everything and everyone around me, it feels too little for such a large result. do these things really add up in scale? am i communicating this in legible words this time?
Jan 19, 2025
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hello!!!! i want to start making this blog weekly now.
- as some followers may know, i've committed to college at last. it's weird with things coming to an end, but with "ending" being a common theme in this blog/life, i'm actually kind of soft on it.
heres what i've been listening to:
Forever Howlong : Black Country, New Road
Squid (discography)
Total euphoria : caroline
as seen, my music taste has gotten more upbeat as of recent.
Total euphoria by caroline has been cemented as a staple in my go-to songs now, it's like your soul being ripped from your chest from the air and then breathing in. and then out. it's a wonderful experience with its own little production quirks. the prime suspect is its out-of-time instruments, where the guitars are actually playing different tempos. and then on top of all that the drums sort of wash in and out when they want to. then a bass drop? this isn't my folk band!
I highly recommend caroline, especially their debut self-titled album. some favorites off of those include IWR and Engine (eavesdropping). very spiritual and easing music.
aside from that, how have i been? i've been #exploring my wonders and interests. creating a rigid identity is something i've found to be important. who am i between switching personalities for certain people? one of the identifiers has been how i am awkward. many can attest to it, but i don't think it's something i'd just drop immediately for confidence. people find it amusing, i think it's a good source of kindness for myself; there's a way to materialize it into something that doesn't give other people second-hand embarrassment. i might talk too fast or too slow, take a while to respond, make too much or little eye contact,, it's random!!! but that's for the best!! we don't have to be rigid in specificity. it just matters that we see things in ourselves that generally describe who we are.
i've taken many trips, much too many trips to a specific town recently. the record store just calls my name and i always find myself being in the way between record crates while i kneel down looking at jazz cds. i'm getting a lot of cds! i always make sure to treat myself by getting at least one LP. some recent purchases have been:
Promises : Floating Points, Pharaoh Sanders, London Symphony Orchestra
Pink Moon : Nick Drake
Hellfire : black midi
all around wonderful finds. i know its good to buy things outside of my comfort zone... but let me get everything else first! i do my musical experimentation with cds.
some recent CD purchases include....
Sketches of Spain : Miles Davis
Discipline : King Crimson
Speak No Evil : Wayne Shorter
Giant Steps : John Coltrane
it's good to consume, well when you have the money. other times, maybe just imagine you're consuming? paint a picture. you'll usually have a matcha latte (btw new obsession) outside a bakery, on a bench in the rain. do you need the drink to savor the moment? if you're out of money, maybe try sitting in silence like that! a brain-lock into our outside moment might be important.
I think back to a quote from my notes in my notes from sept-oct 2024. i was in a rough patch then, still am, but more then. i hated myself, despised a lot of my own self-being, but one quote made its way out of my fingers:
idk maybe some on-spirit growth can happen
before any professional help, and honest support from those i had, i typed that for myself. i think it is in our innate desire to do better that we achieve our ideal selves. because i'm fulfilling that unsure "maybe", by truuuly taking time for myself.
it's wonderful, and i don't exactly have to love myself. but tolerating who i am and having respect for myself has done wonders . i mapped out who i want to be, and formed a list of things to do before college starts. and it's working so far! so take charge. it takes a long time; i'm only seeing the real vision about 6 months later after saying that, but you will make it, even without that direction.
good night! i hope to continue this weekly and hope you got something out of this post :)
6d ago
Top Recs from @cocofritz
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sleep in
make a big pot of coffee
catch up on articles from bed
*bonus points if you have a breakfast tray, newspapers, magazines, and buttered toast*
put on some elevator music
roll around
Jan 21, 2024
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after moving away from the us, my ears have become very sensitive to conversations happening around me in english. feeling uninspired and uninteresting? head to your local cafe and pretend to write (or actually write) about what you’re hearing all around you 💋
Jan 9, 2024
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nyc so much better than la in this regard
Jan 28, 2024