But the worst was probably this October. Met her on tinder and she called me a walking DSM-5. Then proceeded to ask me if I knew what the DSM-5 was. She was six years older than me. She talked a lot about her ex and told me that she used to use the full moons to manifest getting back together. I continued to text her for a little while after tho she was kinda chill tbh
Feb 18, 2024
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I wish I had a screenshot of his profile from back then. He had a terrible tinder profile. He had one recent cute selfie as his first pic. But most of the pics were blurry and several years old. His bio was very generic something like “Hi I like video games and anime.”
I was at a point where I was playing tinder like a game. I had a suggestive bio. I meticulously picked my photos to come off a certain way. I’d swipe right on so many people just because I was bored. And almost everyone would just send some shitty perverted pick up lines referencing my bio.
Not my boyfriend though, he super liked me and immediately started a regular conversation. We started to talk every day on tinder and eventually Snapchat until we met in real life after two weeks.
We celebrate our first date as our anniversary because we’ve basically been together ever since.
Apr 21, 2025
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I kept texting him, he was active on insta and then he sent me a VM saying "N***a shut the f**k up" and then he texted me that he doesn't even know me, stop texting him. like girl u sent me a follow request. and then he called me fat, I told him he needs to grow tf up, he was like oh lemme age rq, I said not physically mentally, he told me I need to mentally lose a few pounds, insert sobbing emoji from me. he said whatever helps u sleep at night, and then he told me to get a gym membership, I have one, he said I obv don't use it, (I do). and yeah that's it I blocked him
May 15, 2025
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The first time we met to actually date was through tinder. I was in Sheffield playing a major festival 😎 so he must have liked me while he was there playing the fringe of said festival. then we realised we had met before when we’d both played a terrible gig in the pouring rain like 7 months earlier. He’d come up to me after I’d played and told me that one of my poems made him cry. Me, being not very good at tone and attempting witty banter, replied “did it make you feel guilty?” as the poem was about being a woman in music. he assumed I hated him and we didn’t speak again until we matched.
Oct 15, 2024
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bc that’s most likely not your problem! (exceptions do apply)
Feb 24, 2024
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This might not make the most sense but if I don’t write it I know I’ll be angry with myself.
As someone who has always naturally been drawn to archives and journals and stories- I’ve found that I’ve been trapping myself in the narrative. The idea that life is a singular, vertical narrative, that pain is not simply pain but part of some bigger cycle of distribution and retribution. That pain is naturally repaid with love or safety or comfort. This narrative keeps me coddled in myself, it keeps me safe from having to face the fact that tomorrow might not be easier than today. That this year might not feel much better than last year. That as some things go on, they don’t always get lighter. They don’t alchemize from emotionally pain into material pleasure.
The hero’s journey tells us that the narrative follows simple steps. We are called- your alarm, a Britney Spears song, plays in the morning. Your car breaks down in an unfamiliar part of the city. There’s a death in the family. Whatever it is, the call is something that moves us from familiarity to the unknown. It pulls the hero into the journey. We will then face the unknown and hopefully overcome it. But what about the calls that we don’t answer? Or when we get stuck in the unknown? What about when we are braver than brave and we still cannot overcome everything? I’ve learned that sometimes our pain doesn’t come with atonement. Sometimes there is no return.
Life doesn’t fit into the narrative. The alarm in itself is a narrative, you set it the night before, or maybe you set it three years ago and you’ve been waking up to the same song every single day. The car is a narrative, the unfamiliar side of the city is a narrative. Why haven’t you been there? The death is a narrative explored and experienced by every person in your family, every friend of the dead, every coworker who called the morning after to see why they didn’t show up when their alarm went off that day. Everything is a million narratives coinciding and to trap ourselves into one, to tell ourselves only one story, is blinding us to the intricate nature of life. We cannot exist in only one dimension, and to choose to exist in various different- sometimes beautiful and sometimes horrible- narratives at once is to choose to stop coddling oneself, to stop following your pain like it always has something to give you.
Sometimes it doesn’t. Maybe that’s fine.
Mar 11, 2024
so i learned abt seasonal work from this chick i hooked up with a singular time who worked w the peacecorps and travelled all around the country. i didn’t want to go home last summer so i decided to apply to work as a host at a fuck ton of hotels and lodges in national parks. i ended up working in yellowstone for the summer and it absolutely changed my life. as someone whos not super exceptional and who’s worked in food service since i was 14-15, i really never thought i would be able to get to do stuff like this. the people i met in the mountains who have been traveling for years on end and just working these shitty service jobs to support it really changed my life. we r suffering in late stage capitalism but there is a really beautiful world around us and i suggest you try to see as much of it as you can.
it’s not as hard as they make it seem and it’s a million times more valuable than staying in whatever bubble we’ve created for ourselves.
(me at the top of one of the tetons holding quartz)
Feb 15, 2024