i am running into a new year
and the old years blow back
like a wind
that i catch in my hair
like strong fingers like
all my old promises and
it will be hard to let go
of what i said to myself
about myself
when i was sixteen and
twenty-six and thirty-six
even thirty-six but
i am running into a new year
and i beg what i love and
i leave to forgive me
Jul 1, 2024
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... and the old years blow back like a wind that I catch in my hair like strong fingers like all my old promises and it will be hard to let go of what I said to myself about myself when I was sixteen and twenty-six and thirty-six but I am running into a new year and I beg what I love and I leave to forgive me."
~Lucille Clifton
Jan 2, 2025
In threefold lives and twofold tears I hold my breath but I canāt pretend itās not happening anymore. I keep finding myself saying āweāre graduatingā again and again with no intonation because I truly donāt know what to feel. Maybe itās a manifestation or maybe itās just a recognition of the eventual, the eventuality of the end of the various hues Iāve been painted with at scad. In my minds eye lives a collage of all of the people whom Iāve cherished for four, (or five years if you count dual enrollment), to say I love them is an egregious understatement. To say I will miss them is simply diminishing an actuality. With me I carry this collage of love it keeps me warm when I am cold, and tender when I am stone. I helped me grow into my bones. Seen me and shone, people Iāve adored. I leave this place adorn with knowledge and love and a want for more.Ā Ā Chest heave practical in armor, holding onto the alternate dream of me, hoping, hoping for an offer, offering a life I am to live, if I just turn and run, if I just turn and run this time, lime green coconut leaves, spotted bedroom sheets, but the change is making me feel like iāve already tried to hold myself a million little times,Ā Ā I try again, felicity in the way I falter, tell you endlessly, screaming colors of the ocean, push me in I adore it, let me live, I pour it out, strangers color me in the night, pieces of each of our mind, in a way we see each other demise each time, turn in, torn into sequins, sequential nightmares, its going to just end, in a way that I sink through the sun, into I construe again, I was just eighteen when I started this, made some friends I cherish, even, even if I lose them, Iāll still have a memory, of my beloveds smiling back at me, seen me grow, seen me weak, bleeding in through my knees, crying on their shoulders, painful hollow little laughter, walking through a tunnel, holding onto each other, Iāll love them like no other like a dream, no other could it be, in my perfect dream, many lifetimes lived with thee.Ā
5h ago
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the first month of the new year
ringing bells with tunes of hidden memories, filling me up with tears
tear through the seven layered skin and sew me a bag of brand new fears
make the people of hatred come together to save this sphere
be kinder to the gentle deers and enlighten the insincere
january, send letters of strength to persevere that last till the end of this calender year
Jan 20, 2025
