Naked or not, Iām a costume that moves, figurine with a face that changes. You could call me a mood. I begin cheerful but sometimes turn solemn when confronted with my own mythology (wolf in a cape, cat scratch on a cupboard door, mouse tail in the hand of a bland farmerās wife, a drop of blood on her shoe). Todayās beginning ended in a dream. In a fantastical bed, a lover leaned in to kiss me just as I realized I was part machine, part primitive urge. I left the bed and said, You know, donāt you, not everyone is so disposed. And then I heard from inside my head, You should say, not everyone is so disposed to your utopia. Only then did I realize Iād been inexact. Even here there are scolds that tell you how to be. Sometimes they live inside. Naked or not, I am trying to tuck my arms invisibly behind my back so that all you can see are my breasts and my highly simplified head.
Jul 17, 2024
Related Recs
from an essay i wrote on drezzdon:
I recall Mark Fisher using the term āmagical voluntarism,ā the belief, under capitalism, that we can become anything we want to become. He also refers to it as āthe belief that everything, including the material universe itself, is subject to individual will.ā All of a sudden I wanted to write. I watched a couple of drezzdonās TikToks right after reading Mark Fisher as a kind of somatic ritual Ć la CAConrad. Though I am aware we lose ourselves in āmagical voluntarismā because this neoliberal project is such a success, that bones litter the Gaza Strip and tumours of red fucking meat cling to them, drezzdonās TikToks made me feel more revolutionary. They gave me an active purpose. I could walk to the Conservative Club with the knowledge that the sky contains a āheaven,ā that āangels are near,ā before throwing eggs, plums, whatever modern rebellion looks like. I could write without constraint. Is our delusion not an act of resistance rather than compliance? And if it isnāt canāt we mobilise it as such?Ā
Great acts of defiance have hardly been reported as righteous, I mean historically. Adam and Eve, for instanceātheir rebellion got me cum in my mouth, stomach, all over my stomach, got me the love of a man, as a man, as well as the knowledge of good and evil. It got me enough complicated moralism to make my life worth living, make it not seem too long. It gave us things to uncover, another major player in drezzdonās work as well as Genesis.
Eve, Miss Universe, like literally, rounds the corner to see Adam criss-cross applesauce, his cock concealed by a fig leaf. Around it a bold red circle. She smiles, knowing nothing of bloodshed yet, no mutilation in colour. Being the archetype of feminine wiles, she revels in his embarrassment. Her cunt is wet. She cartoonishly stretches to feel her fig leaf brush gently against its lips and then lies next to him at the base of the great tree to nap. As she dreams of, what, nothing better, Adam lifts the fig leaf from his (and the first) average cock and penetrates the red circle, the canonical first bloody hole. He wonders why it was ever concealed. He wonders if his cock means anything but pleasure, knowing nothing of procreation. But we, like Eve, enjoy the unveiling, stripping our lovers piece by piece; we love what is secret, sexy, under, and perhaps thatās what the red circles are, the snippets of language. We undress the world, like Adam and Eve did, almost biblically, discovering and creating its malleability, its shadows. We revel in divine consequence and its sadomasochistic connotations.
In the middle of writing this essay I imagine ctrlcoreāing your body. Youāre in the nude. I click and stretch red circles around each nut, āangels were here,ā meaning of course a traditional mode of reproduction, the feminine silhouette eager for your spermābut whatās here now? āgod,ā āgod,ā in red arial font.
5d ago
ā
body is a vessel who carries me through life.
iām grateful for the body i live inside and she needs me to be responsible for her.
body positivity is difficult if ur looks oppose the standard of beauty in your region. and i've observed a tendency to ricochet into body negativity from there. Literally no - that is full trash - shame, hatred towards yourself is painful and inconvenient and lame?
so in body neutrality - thoughts become āwhat do i wear tonight to feel good? does this meal need to ground me or energize me?ā and suddenly life is more sensual because one is more embodied in every moment. there isnāt that outside - looking in at yourself to monitor your perfection or lacktheroef - vibe which keeps us out of our intuitions and impulses.
suddenly you are liberated and ā¦itās scary at first bc u have thrown away the point of comparison which youāve measured life against?
if that makes sense?
idk
Feb 1, 2024
I have a very distinct and lucid memory of opening an arts catalogue to a page where there was an entirely plain, bland even, nude prominent on the page, and my grandmother walked past and said, quite loudly: āoh my, theyāre nudeā¦.ā Along with a muttering about porn. There is such a lack of genuine, mere, appreciation of the body?!?!! Iāve gotten flack before for just happening to be shirtless on Instagram. Nothing thirsty, no contorted posingā¦just the lack of a shirt. And I hate it! I love humanity and all the physicality that entails!!! Picture is a detail of a 17th century Russian icon from the Collection of Mikhail de Boire.
Dec 12, 2024
Top Recs from @millixisme
šø
Sneak into the nearest rail valley and leave a penny on the tracks. Then run back up the hill and do something else for three hours. In that time, one of the mile-long freight trains that pass through your town will spread the penny like butter over the hot steel. When the train is gone, go back down and you'll find a flat, oval-shaped piece of copper in the same spot you left the penny. The piece of copper is useless, but it's satisfying to be responsible for squishing hard metal.
Look out for the rail bull!
Jul 18, 2024
ā„ļø
Not sure whyā¦ but thereās love vibrations in the airā¦
Feb 6, 2025