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I'm a July baby. Growing up, I spent most of my birthdays alone. Some years because my friends had left the country. Some years because I'd left the country. Some years because I had no friends. And with every year passing, the pressure to spend my birthday surrounded by friends and family and to have a good time increased. Every year I felt like a failure when I couldn't make it happen. So I stopped telling people it's my birthday.
But today is my 28th birthday.
Jul 17, 2024
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For the past 2 years, I have been trying to not spend my birthday the way that we're "supposed to (ya know a party, a dinner, the whole thing), but I've always had friends who have always wanted me to do something on it, and I'm so burned out now. But I'm so excited to just say NO and spend the day by myself!!!
Idk what imma do but I'm pumped
Apr 29, 2024
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for the last three years (at least) I've noticed every birthday goes the same way- midnight starts off on a good note because I'm surrounded with my friends and there's cake and music and dancing, but when i wake up the next morning there's just this... void. not a sadness in particular, but a feeling of emptiness. i get this strange feeling of having to do something epic or cram my day with activities, cause that's what is expected? cause people are constantly asking 'ooh what plans do you have for your birthday', but what if i just want to stay in and meet some friends and have a nice time? which is exactly what i did this time with a game night, but the void the next morning persisted. i don't think it's because of me thinking of what i've achieved in the last year and how i could have done more. in hindsight, you could have always done more but it was a big year for me- i moved away from home to another continent, started my masters degree and set up my life here. i think it stems from a place of seeing others my age and making comparisons, which is not something i like doing because i have always believed everybody's track is so different and there is no way to make a fair comparison yet i still do so. and so i start thinking to myself, "oh am i too skinny to look like I'm almost in my mid 20s", or "his t-shirt is much cooler than mine", or some other superficial thing that is purely relies on physical appearances. maybe i just miss having someone i can have deep chats with without feeling like I'm boring them or pressurising them to stay and listen, maybe i should just reach out to some friends from back home, which I've always found tough to do but better late than never
Apr 27, 2025
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itโs such a awkward marker of a new year. a weird mix of wanting people to celebrate you, but feeling tired of the obligation to thank everyone that only reaches out once a year.
i always find birthdays really hard, and fairly disappointing.
my recommendation is to give yourself grace, and do what makes you happy. i know itโs such a generic rec but this past year on the actual day i just took it easy, treated myself to some takeout, and watched a show in bed. a few days after i got together with friends and we went to a restaurant i love but theyโd never really wanted to go to. and then we ate homemade cake and watched a movie.
sorry if this isnโt a very upbeat response (: <3
happy birthday!! and know random people on the internet are celebrating you (:
Jul 30, 2024
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I hadn't seen my friend since New Year's Eve. Now it was October, her wedding day, and she barely gave me the chance to gush over her gorgeous dress, her makeup, her jewelry.
"You look happier," she said. "Your energy has changed. It's much calmer now. I'm happy for you."
I love her for taking the time out of her special day to notice me like that.
Oct 13, 2024
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"If the two of you are so good together, why don't you make a move?" my friend asked me in a dream about the guy I was ever so slowly falling for. Those words echoed through my mind for months, from the first date till the final breakup.
Jun 14, 2024
"Aren't you ruining your friendship?" he asked when he learned that my best friend and I share a bed when we visit each other. Even though he said we wouldn't work as a couple, he couldn't hide the jealousy in his voice. I could understand his jealousy: my best friend is the kindest man you'll ever meet, 6'5", level-headed, wouldn't hurt a fly. He's my polar opposite: calm, soft spoken, mentally stable. He's my mirror image: adventurous, athletic, a reader. We click, platonically. We don't click at all, romantically. So when we share a bed and I crawl into his arms in the middle of the night, it's so he can chase away the demons in my mind.
Jun 18, 2024