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Once you reach a certain age it seems like everyone else either a) has a large, supportive, and well-rounded circle of friends with no room for anyone else or b) has no friends and it's obvious why once you meet them. I wish I had more advice for you but I think you just have to go out there and take risks. (PI.FYI can also be a great way to meet people but only if you live in one of maybe five cities, I'm sorry to say.)
Jul 27, 2024
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what ive learned about being a friend and having friends is that sometimes your favorite people and your favorite activities don’t go hand in hand. my closest friends are people ive known forever with 9-5s and families. i live with my parents and work at a pizza shop, i got more free time. i like to go to shows and bars and parties but a lot of my core friends can’t as often. so i ask around, hit up acquaintances and old friends, see if my other friends have anyone they can introduce me to who likes the same things. i think if you’re seeking out people who got the time or the interest, you can find them because they’re probably looking for the same thing.
im a few years younger than you, but i picked this trick up from watching my 55 year old dad call up random people all the time. if someone can’t go out with him, he FINDS someone.
best of luck on the journey of filling your social cup. i know it feels lonely out there but there’s people out there for everyone!
May 16, 2025
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idk if any of this will be remotely helpful, but this is generally how i see socializing
to find friends:
1. do something consistently
2. do something where other people are also (generally) by themselves
3. do something that requires discussion
exercise classes, coffee shops, open studios, libraries, organizing/protesting/charity work; really to acquire friends you just have to do things that's it. do things you like so you are around people who share similar interests and thus will have a higher "friend hit rate" but really the most essential point on the list is the first one (the other two are nice bonus'). with enough consistency you become noticed and then boom.
on becoming friends:
1. open invites
2. follow ups
now that you've just met some people, get them into your circle by open inviting them to things. if you're going out later that night, offer for them to join. if you're both in a pottery class maybe offer an open invite to a gallery you're visiting. this is how you shift casual acquaintances to actual friends. the important thing is to concretize your plans tho. you're not trying to pressure them but you do want to make them feel like it was more than just a vapid offer, so after you suggest it wait a bit and follow up with details. this also goes for the reverse of being given an open invite.
on being friends:
1. do
the best piece of advice (which might have come from pi.fyi) is that sometimes you just need to be the doer. maybe you see a tiktok about a picnic with friends and you think dang wouldn't it would be cool if my friends did that. well, there's nothing stopping you, you have to be the friend that does stuff. obviously this is a little time consuming and exhausting but generally people want to pay it forward so once you get the ball rolling on the friend group doing stuff, people usually follow suit
also fear is the mind killer, go forth and be
Jan 27, 2025
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It gets harder to meet new people as you get older, especially if you aren’t in a super social work environment. The dating apps can sometimes hit but the amount of effort it takes can be exhausting, so I’d say have it as just one part of a collection of things you’re doing to make connections.
Finding a community of people who are also into the same creative endeavor has always gotten consistent results for me. I saw you’re into making zines, so participating in a zine fair could be fun. You could also check out the 8-Ball Community which has a publishing initiative — I think they‘re pretty welcoming if you’re looking to volunteer / get involved.
But yeah, showing up semi-regularly to the same places and becoming familiar is a key. I moved to Portland Oregon for a year back in 2009 and didn’t know a single person which was super hard. I ended up just hanging out at this parking lot with a bunch of food trucks and got to talking with some of the other kids that hung out and worked there. Eventually I got invited out to some of their parties and by the end of the year was part of their crew. Took a while tho!
Also, it tends to start with just one friend. And if that person accepts you, then everyone else they’re friends with will too. And then you can hang with the other people and keep branching out. It’s a practice, one that develops over a lifetime.
Mar 18, 2024
Top Recs from @spencerto
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One of the few apps with no ephemeral "story" feature or whatever so you don't need to check it every 24 hours. Cherish this.
Mar 6, 2024
It's just like John Swartzwelder said:
"Since writing is very hard and rewriting is comparatively easy and rather fun, I always write my scripts all the way through as fast as I can, the first day, if possible […] Then the next day, when I get up, the script’s been written. It’s lousy, but it’s a script. The hard part is done."
Jul 2, 2024
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Maybe some kettle cooked chips as well… on a paper plate… now we're talking
Aug 19, 2024