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You’re not doing well and finally I don’t have to pretend to be so interested in your on going tragedy, but I’ll rob the bank that gave you the impression that money is more fruitful than words, and I’ll cut holes in the ozone if it means you have one less day of rain. I’ll walk you to the hospital, I’ll wait in a white room that reeks of hand sanitizer and latex for the results from the MRI scan that tries to locate the malady that keeps your mind guessing, and I want to write you a poem every day until my hand breaks and assure you that you’ll find your place, it’s just the world has a funny way of hiding spots fertile enough for bodies like yours to grow roots. and I miss you like a dart hits the iris of a bullseye, or a train ticket screams 4:30 at 4:47, I wanted to tell you that it’s my birthday on Thursday and I would have wanted you to give me the gift of your guts on the floor, one last time, to see if you still had it in you. I hope our ghosts aren’t eating you alive. If I’m to speak for myself, I’ll tell you that the universe is twice as big as we think it is and you’re the only one that made that idea less devastating.
Sep 9, 2024

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you know, all i like to write about is love.Ā  writing is easier when it’s about your own personal experiences of grief, of pain but love is the beautiful dove of the twoĀ  released at a funeral, released at a wedding. , because the definition is different for everybody. — the trees rustle again tonight, and the wind gently taps on the windowpane, begging again to be let in and my thoughts race farther and faster in the night than a pure-bred, hot-blooded racehorse, bucking wild for the first time my mind buzzes, stricken like a gong, reverberating in the quietness of tonight as i drag myself closer to you, you reach out for me, an unspoken, gentle and devout prayer, asking for me in the unspeakable words conveyed in a whisper through actions – i promised you a fantastical world of your own, where you are safe, through my own creation. i have created for you in the heart of my own somewhere for me to love you,Ā  fully and infinitely with all of myself. if this is not where you are safe, then there is nothing else. –  word by word and sentence by sentence i create dreams i would never tell anybody not even under the skies of a cloudless night. when i sleep, i tuck my hopes and sadness under my pillow and hope a fairy will kidnap it and place in that spot something i should need more. but night after night, my dreams just macerate in the container of my heart. soon, i will drink them like an elixir of truth and what i am afraid of will come
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We can stick anything into the fog and make it look like a ghost but tonight let us not become tragedies. We are not funeral homes with propane tanks in our windows, lookin’ like cemeteries. Cemeteries are just the Earth’s way of not letting go. Let go. Tonight let’s turn our silly wrists so far backwards the razor blades in our pencil tips can’t get a good angle on all that beauty inside. Step into this with your airplane parts. Move forward and repeat after me with your heart: ā€œI no longer need you to fuck me as hard as I hated myself.ā€ Make love to me like you know I am better than the worst thing I ever did. Go slow. I’m new to this. But I have seen nearly every city from a rooftop without jumping. I have realized that the moon did not have to be full for us to love it, that we are not tragedies stranded here beneath it, that if my heart really broke every time I fell from love I’d be able to offer you confetti by now. But hearts don’t break, y’all, they bruise and get better. We were never tragedies. We were emergencies. You call 9 – 1 – 1. Tell them I’m having a fantastic time.
Aug 6, 2024
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Ocean, don’t be afraid.Ā  The end of the road is so far aheadĀ  it is already behind us.Ā  Don’t worry. Your father is only your fatherĀ  until one of you forgets. Like how the spineĀ  won’t remember its wingsĀ  no matter how many times our kneesĀ  kiss the pavement. Ocean,Ā  are you listening? The most beautiful partĀ  of your body is whereverĀ  your mother’s shadow falls.Ā  Here’s the house with childhoodĀ  whittled down to a single red tripwire.Ā  Don’t worry. Just call itĀ horizon & you’ll never reach it.Ā  Here’s today. Jump. I promise it’s notĀ  a lifeboat. Here’s the manĀ  whose arms are wide enough to gatherĀ  your leaving. & here the moment,Ā  just after the lights go out, when you can still seeĀ  the faint torch between his legs.Ā  How you use it again & againĀ  to find your own hands.Ā  You asked for a second chanceĀ  & are given a mouth to empty into.Ā  Don’t be afraid, the gunfireĀ  is only the sound of peopleĀ  trying to live a little longer. Ocean. Ocean,Ā  get up. The most beautiful part of your bodyĀ  is where it’s headed. & remember,Ā  loneliness is still time spentĀ  with the world. Here’sĀ  the room with everyone in it.Ā  Your dead friends passingĀ  through you like windĀ  through a wind chime. Here’s a deskĀ  with the gimp leg & a brickĀ  to make it last. Yes, here’s a roomĀ  so warm & blood-close,Ā  I swear, you will wake—  & mistake these wallsĀ  for skin.
Jul 1, 2024

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