ive recently been inspired by a friend to actually share my feelings. not in a silly, self-deprecating way anymore, but in a āiād like to talk to someone who would actually listenā serious way.
heās got a blog on here too, and yes, heās literally promoting it and itās out to the public, but it still feels weird to read bc it is such a personal thing.
but i think thereās beauty in sharing personal feelings like that. ive been joking saying im just exposing myself, but releasing these feelings is what i need. i need to learn to open up and stop bottling everything up and pretending im ok
(side note - i actually have no ideaĀ what ok actually is. sometimes i think i am actually fine and happy, that these are just regular people problems, that sometimes im just blowing this out of proportion. but sometimes i also think these problems shouldnāt be minimized and that talking with someone (either a journal like this, a friend or trusted adult, or a legit therapist) would significantly benefit me)Ā
and before anyone goes saying ājUsT tAlK tO a THerApiStā iām seriously considering it. iām just trying other alternatives before i commit to something. plus my last attempts at therapy did not inspire confidence in the practice.Ā
iāve got a journal iāve been writing in for nearly nine months now, and while it is nice to write, idk i feel like screaming into the void and maybe someone who feels the same way i do seeing this will make it feel even better. plus im too stingy with the way i have my journal set up. itās more to just document my day with the occasional feelings (or 6 pages worth of feelings), but this blog is for long-form, organized feelings. (plus typing is much nicer than writing by hand for longer things like this)
iām also gonna try and remember to add songs recs (the entire reason for this app, right?) that vaguely correspond with the content of the post.Ā
recently, iāve added A LOT of songs to my playlist. most notably āBasket Caseā by Green Day. itās been on repeat lately. it kinda just matches the confusion and chaos yet self awareness iāve been feeling recently. iām not the best at music analysis (which also is kinda the point of this app ._.) so iāll just say: i just like everything about it. itās relatable, itās fun (take that with a grain of salt, but ykwim), itās catchy. itās a good song to belt out when im home alone and feel like singing something with deep meaning behind itĀ
(pls donāt come at me for not being able to analyze lyrics. iām not smart enough for that) (ok there i go againĀ on my ownĀ putting myself down. but what i mean is im just not good at analyzing literature and stuff)
ok well im looking through my friendās blog that inspired all this, and he goes a lot more into the music rec part (which, again, the point of this app), with the feelings tied in. but theyāre also a huge music nerd and iām not. and a large part of why im doing this is the catharsis with the music recs as a secondary priority. (tbf we all probably already know and love āBasket Caseā)
but idk yāall are weird. i saw someone just recommend their cat so. (tbf, i recommend my cats too). i mean the big recommendation for this post is expressing feelings and not bottling them up. itās really helpful just getting it all out.
anywhooooo,Ā
i like yapping, in case it wasnāt obvious. and if i do it like this itās faceless to a bunch of people who will a) never see it or b) never know who i am or c) not care or d) relate to my problems and give some good advice and tell me im not alone.Ā
ok this is already doing its job. im enjoying writing this shit down. itās cathartic! i feel so much better just getting these feelings out and not bottling them up!