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HAVING AND MAKING FRIENDS

why have friends? because they make life slightly less miserable. they give me something to look forward to everyday. our stupid conservations about whatever bs springs up are so much fun and i enjoy them so much.  lots of my feelings lately have been related to my friends and i’ve unfortunately found myself questioning my status as friends with these people because of how little i talk to them. i see them at most twice a day and talk to them at most twice a day. i also barely talk to them outside of school. how about instead of sitting here and panicking about not having any friends, let’s look at my friendships with the four people i call friends let’s start with my best friend (she/they). i’ve known her since first grade when we met at summer camp. her and i have been best friends ever since. we used to be inseparable. recently tho, really throughout our high school careers, i feel like our friendship has kinda diminished. her and i really are just goofy together, we aren’t serious. (they legitimately told me how they don’t trust me with stuff that’s really dark and deep). which, as much as it hurts that she doesn’t trust me with stuff, it’s just how our relationship has come along. she only sees me as goofy and unserious, which is a large part of my personality, but i CAN be serious if needed. its just that i try to keep things on the light and positive side. when we hang out (which is happening less and less lately), it’s just absolute bs and them gushing over their boyfriend. which, i don’t mind. i just like that we’re hanging out and being silly together.  next is a friend i think is insane but also super funny. (she/her (she calls herself an ‘amorphous blob’ and i love it). she’s annoying as hell, it’s actually insufferable. but most of the time she’s tolerable. she’s an english and history and philosophy nerd, so she constantly talks about some book she read or yaps about the French Revolution or complains about the sentence length of the Communist Manifesto. but i’m a math and science nerd. really, we don’t have much in common when it comes to our interests. but we’re smart people with interdisciplinary interests. she’s also just a good person to talk with. yes, sometimes she gets very intense, but most of the time she’s a good person. i’ve told her some things i haven’t told anyone else (not actually true but she’s the one i’ve talked about it the most with) and she’s always open to listen to me complain and always willing to give advice. (and the same goes with me to her). she’s really not as bad as i make her out to be. we’ve all got our quirks, hers are just slightly more obvious and annoying than others’, but she’s good people. third is a friend i’ve made this year (she/her). i have memories of her from last year, but i became friends with her this year because she’s friends with my second friend and bc we have Stats and Lunch together. and she’s a good mix of everything. she’s more of an english/art nerd, but she’s not insufferable about it. she’s very level-headed and a good person to talk with. i really enjoy our conversations. she’s listened to me complain about my Boy Problems and has given my very good advice on how to handle it. honestly i kinda feel bad not having more to add about her, but she’s just one of those people who you just get (and who gets you) and doesn’t need a long description because they are just a good friend.  and last of the people i consider my actual friends is my only friend that is a boy (he/they). i feel like he and i aren’t actually really friends compared to how im friends with the three previously mentioned people, but i still like to call them my friend. idk they’re just fun to talk with (when i rarely talk with them). ok the more i’m thinking about this, the more i really question the evidence i have to call him my friend. i see him at most twice a day, and talk to them maybe one of those times. and just- idk it’s weird.  (this has happened twice a couple of months ago and has not happened since) i’d post a note on instagram about sumn and he’d reply with some random response, i’d have really nothing to reply with, i’d like his text, and that’s it. we don’t talk about it again. or sometimes he’d randomly bring up something that happened to him, which i really don’t mind. actually it doesn’t happen as often as i would like. I LIKE TALKING WITH HIM. BUT WE RARELY TALK BECAUSE WE HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. the longest conversation we had was about a school project into college financial aid.  ok well, sometimes we do math together because we both like math. (we’re nerds, i know)  it’s annoying being in this weird limbo. i feel like i can’t talk to him without making it awkward. ok well so me and friends 2,3, and 4 make up what i call the “lunch crew” (bc we do lunch together) and honestly we have some of the best conversations when we’re all together. like we’re talking about the most random shit and sharing some semi-personal details (our sexualities) and i really appreciate how we feel comfortable with each other that we can share things like that. oh acquaintances. i should mention the people im friendly with (im friendly with everyone (well, most people)) but im not FRIENDS with everyone. i’ve got some people in my classes i talk to.  i’ve got one girl in my Calc III class that i enjoy talking to. she always asks me how my morning has been and we be goofy about calculus together. honestly i kinda miss her when she isn’t there :( and i’ve got a sophomore i once had one sided beef with but i honestly now admire him. he’s incredible at his instrument, and yes ofc being overshadowed by a kid that’s younger than you is annoying, but ive made peace with it and now i really enjoy seeing him work his magic. if he doesn’t get into Juilliard, im gonna pissed. i’m sincerely rooting for this kid.  “Why Can’t We Be Friends” is such a perfect song for this post. the singer is hoping to be friends with whoever he’s singing to, and i’m hoping to be friends with my friends and make new friends. i mean my relationships are a little less dire and more established than the relationship in the song, but the gist is there. lyrics aside - the song is just goofy. 50% is “why can’t we be friends?”, 50% is that weird psychedelic funk shit i’ve come to enjoy. i could have picked the original version by War, but the upbeat, faster tempo and the general wackiness of the Smash Mouth version i think just fits my situation better. (both versions are still weird as hell. what are these lyrics???) i mean i talk to people. i’m not a complete loner. i know i don’t really come off like it, and i certainly like my alone time (and often do prefer it), but i really do enjoy company. like, i went to europe on a “class” trip over spring break. and we went to pubs a couple times to watch a soccer game. now, i don’t care for soccer one bit, but i still enjoyed the experience because i was with my peers. despite all of this, i don’t know anyone outside of school. i barely know anyone outside of the 5 people i see everyday. i hear people all ‘oh i was talking with so and so’ but how the hell do you start conversations that last and are meaningful? how can i initiate conversations without fearing for being annoying or bothering? i never know how i can start conversations and not feel bad about being a nuisance.  so this whole rant comes from graduation coming in not even two months (oh god) and how ill probably never see these people again. i talked with my dad about this, and he’s actually still best friends with one of his friends from high school 35 years later, and he says that friendship is a two way street. if you want to be friends, you have to try. so i hope to be able to keep in touch with these people after graduation and into college, but im scared everything is gonna get too much and we’ll lose contact.  but such is life, i suppose. you gain friends, you lose friends. but im gonna hold onto my friends as long as i can. (you can’t get rid of me that easily) 

@jill_m56

2d ago

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reevaluating what friendship means to you

what does it mean to be someone’s friend? are people asking things of you that you can’t (or don’t want to) give? much to think about!

@carolineh

Dec 31, 2023

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finding the right people

And you’re set for life (with the added effort of maintaining it). I used to try to surround myself with people who I thought were cool and also tried so bad to fit in. I still do feel conscious about that sometimes when I front for a person I place on a pedestal or really am infatuated with (in a platonic way). I’ve also had friends I get easily frustrated with who point out my mistakes as jokes but I’ve realised are super flawed and insecure. It becomes a relationship where you slowly turn into a projection of them. (I’m not sure how to phrase it). And I’m the kind that forgives very easily the moment someone is nice to me. Howeverrrrr… over the past few years and more so over the past year I found a group of people I could be open and comfortable with… and I have to say an open and fulfilling relationship with the right people and friends will make you a much better person overall. I’ve also been so inspired by the circle of friends I’ve got now. It’s not necessarily the friends who always ask you to go out to shop or hang but the friends who you do things with and talk about anything with. Gratefully & Gratituously, I love my friends.

@undiagnosedflu

Feb 18, 2024

Top Recs from @chaeri

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Not having someone to talk to about the bad parts

it’s either guilt of messaging someone who is despondent or messaging someone who is disconnected. i’m losing my mind on my own.

@chaeri

Feb 27, 2025