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and all that has loved me, dead or alive.
humanity is such a fragile thing, cherish it, squint at the sun, be happy for your friends and their wins, be happy for yourself and your wins, be happy for the people smiling across the street. don’t waste the miniscule, unimportant, tiny fraction of a cosmic second that is our lifetime being an asshole. love everyone and love yourself i love love i give love and i receive it. i love my surroundings, my bed, my family who i come home to every day, my mom and dad who do so much for me, my sister who is always there for me and has been my best friend for life, my pets (come home stevie, we miss you), access to food and water, my friends who i truly cherish, nature, the wind and the breeze, music, oh the music of life how the birds chirp and the streams swell and fall and dance around the wet earth guiding the arrival to the calm rivers, the vast waterfalls, the sun and moon, eternally locked in a neverending dance that gives us another day, a fresh start. my silly little device that connects me with everyone in a second, and i can talk to my friends and say hi and that i love them i actually love everyone i’m sorry is that a problem? i love how everyone looks so different and how everyone is living a vivid life and has problems and situations as complex as mine (there’s a word for that i think) and i love how everyone has different scars and birth marks and hair and eyes and i love how everyone acts a little different and has their own personality and spin on things and i love art and how being is an art in and of itself, to exist is to persist. i love how i can give back to my community, i love volunteering it makes me so emotional when i’m finished because i love helping whenever i can i’m not trying to sound self righteous or anything. i love pushing my body to its limits in sport, i love running and i love dancing so so much i love moving my body and creating art in synchronicity with music. i love water, the beach, sand, i love lakes, sunsets, that feeling of silence but not loneliness. i love being outside and just sitting, no thoughts, just wanting to live out a moment forever. but i also love living past that moment and living another moment and another and soon i will post this and then 8 months later look back on this and smile and love it. i actually am ok and it’s all going to be ok and i love you and everything
Mar 7, 2025
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🎭
and i made a song about you but it’s also about me and no one will ever hear it its called my thoughts and its not actually a song but the way music flies out of your mouth makes me want to say sweet nothings as i put my words with yours like a torn up half read book you keep by your bedside table that you tell yourself you’ll get around to. i play fast and loose with my actions around you, and maybe it’s too much even for me.
i try to distract with overconsumption of digital content thst just fucking overwhelmes me and gets in the way of anything getting done.
you’ll never read this by the way. but can i recite the pages of senseless amateur poetry i wrote about you?
i never really belong anywhere, and i camouflage into a current residence until i trick myself into thinking i truly know the people i’m around. it happened once, the effect that is. im not there anymore, and i hope those people don’t hate me like i hate myself for leaving. this isn’t about you, just me rehashing horrible guy-wrenching emotions of a past (if you can even call two years ago the past), and things i don’t talk about.
im the most observant person ever, and you wouldn’t expect it. i’m so sensitive, i pick up every little movement someone does and i overthink everything thst happens before and after a conversation, guilt racks me after any social gathering and i wonder if i said anything wrong.
but there’s so much to be grateful for life is so so beautiful im so lucky to be alive and have this device that i’m emotionally giving myself to and have given my life to. i love love, life, and people and i already made a long post about this im not reiterating. and i love how i can see you everyday and stand on the sidelines as your hype man in your game of love, ill hold the water bottle of my unrequited longing, ready to serve drops of my musings of you only to accidentally pour myself onto you.
Mar 26, 2025
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you know,
all i like to write about is love.
writing is easier when it’s about your own personal experiences of grief, of pain
but love is the beautiful dove of the two
released at a funeral, released at a wedding.
,
because the definition is different for everybody.
—
the trees rustle again tonight, and the wind gently taps on the windowpane, begging again to be let in
and my thoughts race farther and faster in the night than a pure-bred, hot-blooded racehorse, bucking wild for the first time
my mind buzzes, stricken like a gong, reverberating in the quietness of tonight
as i drag myself closer to you,
you reach out for me, an unspoken, gentle and devout prayer, asking for me in the unspeakable words conveyed in a whisper through actions
–
i promised you a fantastical world of your own, where you are safe, through my own creation.
i have created for you in the heart of my own somewhere for me to love you,
fully and infinitely with all of myself.
if this is not where you are safe, then there is nothing else.
–
word by word and sentence by sentence
i create dreams i would never tell anybody
not even under the skies of a cloudless night.
when i sleep, i tuck my hopes and sadness under my pillow
and hope a fairy will kidnap it and place in that spot
something i should need more.
but night after night, my dreams just macerate in the container of my heart.
soon, i will drink them like an elixir of truth
and what i am afraid of will come
2d ago
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there is something figuratively beautiful about the things we know and don’t know, the sublime and mundane
and when you visit the beach, do you ever think about if the animals who live in the embrace of the depths remember the beauty of the ocean?
where the salt envelops every single one of us,
accepting us as kin
letting her wind tousle our raw, visceral edges
and pepper them with her sea-foamed kisses
which tell me that it’s okay to pretend
and okay to tell the ocean all of myself
the ocean reaches out to me, hands cloaked in the sharp coolness of water and something else- something i don’t understand
as I poke around in a tide pool, like a vendor at a bustling market, observing the wares that the ocean has to offer
and i turn around and ask her, do the barnacles see themselves? do anemones understand their own beauty, fragile and ephemeral?
i don’t think they do.
but the ocean doesn’t have any words for me, instead shutting my mouth with a shhhh
as her sandy dress rustles down the shore, laced with white foam and gossamer trails of ripples
and wordlessly, tells me to look
and i do.
until the sun hurriedly retreats from the wispy radiance of the moon, enrobed in puffy clouds
and it's just the three of us.
the moon tugs at the ocean’s hand, dancing to their own secret rhythm,
letting me see them in their love.
personally, i think it’s beautiful \\ and i wish i had something like it
and the ocean laughs. nothing jeering or ridiculing, simply an acknowledgement that i understand.
everything around me falls,
like petals cast off from a chrysanthemum.
and then, we were wordless
like the ocean had never spoken in the first place.
i want to descend into the depths of the ocean one day,
to be hugged once more and never again.
not because i am tired of being alive,
but frankly within me exists too much zeal to live.
uncontrollable surges of wow i am alive in flesh, blood through my veins, and thoughts in my head
become more addictive than any form of fentanyl, cocaine, heroin
and better than any gateway into a better life
or a better existence, transcending normality
and the moment it’s just me in my head, without the viscous energy of being alive
suddenly drains me like a leaking bucket,
decrepit and dry.
i want to burn like a torch, setting my world alight into embers,
into flames,
into an inferno.
Sunrise:: being alight || with a halo of only thoughts and dreams || and the divinity of something new
2d ago
Top Recs from @huxsid
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i open it, wait for it to load (delayed gratification), swipe the top refs, like them, check out the accounts their from, might follow, see what the people i follow are posting, search up new music or something random (all on my own accord, no algorithm, no doomscrolling) find something actually cool that i bookmark/add to a list to check out (which i do check out), either leave the app satisfied or make a silly little post and then leave the app with no urge to keep scrolling or looking, happy with my time spent
Feb 10, 2025
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everyone
you have NO business over there. NOTHING good coming out of there anymore.
instead try;
- active listening
- reading a damn book
- giving a shit about other people
- finding whimsy in everyday life
Feb 10, 2025
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you guys just drink it because it’s green, if it was like orange or brown the hype would NOT be there
Mar 25, 2025