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idk just in some sort of liminal limbo kinda thing

i’m getting a promotion at work effective september ☺ it’s really nice bc this is the first job i’ve had that i’ve liked (even if the pay and hours aren’t great) as its adjacent to the arts and not retail or food (i’ve done it all and those sort of jobs were detrimental to my mental health). also i need the moola bad. that’s basically all that’s making sense right now. outside of that, i have no idea what’s going on…i'm very much coasting through life but not in a chill cruise control sort of way. not to be THAT person, but the astrology for my birth chart (mainly my gemini sun) warned of stagnation, taking things slow and lower energy. i’m very much feeling the lower energy but i have a plethora of things i want to work on. i have so many ideas for paintings and drawings and writing but i can’t wrap my head around any of it right now. feeling almost imposter syndrome-like but i don't like that term and it doesn’t quite describe how i’m feeling. i’m also really antsy for some changes in scenery ☹ gonna do my best to try and get out the house more. i set a goal for myself to make a new friend or two before the end of the year <3 so that’s that, goal setting, pay raise, creating (hopefully soon), trying to stay afloat and reading the stars…

@deardoveswings

Aug 13, 2024

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sunday (a bit about me)

first blog post. not sure how this whole shablam works, but thought I'd give it a go. have the urge to write bs about my life for anyone who's listening. feel like I'm talking to myself, but I like doing that so I'm happy with whatever. sunday starting the day off right -- a can of chickpeas (with lime juice, garlic, and olive oil), a mandarin, and a coffee. thinking about what I want to accomplish. got a fuck tonne of schoolwork to do (it's really not that much, but it is when I spend the entire school day fucking around and wishing I was getting stuff done) might try finish some of it. got the day off work today, but clocked in for a dream shift last night so feel like I've worked overtime. to do list - breakfast, but you already know about that. trust me, don't knock on the chickpeas 'till you've tried them, they changed my life. - finish stats assesement, who gives a FUCK about fat content in bread? - maybe start my english work. should have started two weeks ago. - start something crafty ----- I yearn to craft, but have crafters block or whatever. that's why I started a blog, I love to write. I tried writing fanfic last week, but got an essay of a hate comment that hurt my feelings. god forbid a girl try something new. - walk my dog on the beach. this used to be a mindfulness activity for me, but I've been corrupted by podcasts and audiobooks. now I don't know how to be alone with my thoughts anymore. advice? goals and aspirations ☆ BUY A VAN if you know me in person you KNOW I've been annoying as FUCK about this. so basically, I really REALLY want a van. I'm looking for an old toyota hiace that someones put the bare bones of utilities in, so I could theoretically live out of it. nothing fancy, because who would I be without a project? ☆ CRAFT another reason why I want a van -- I need something to craft for. I know how to crochet, but have nothing TO crochet. a van would give me a vessel in which to dedicate my crafts. want something to crochet? blanket for my van! sewing project? curtains for my van! cushions! a duvet! want to try your hand in some painting? good, because the inside is probably in desperate need of a revamp. ☆QUIT MY JOB I'd written something really funny and cynical about my job here and why I want to quit, but my mum saw it & said that it was a 'sackable offense'. that'd save me the hassle of having to put in my two weeks, but I've got a reputation to uphold. also a van to pay for. guess the world just isn't ready for my comedic genius and sardonic honesty. my 2025 resolution make bad art. read long books. for TOO LONG I have been afraid to do things that I'm bad at. I'm not sure what I enjoy doing or what I'm just good at doing. but this year that changes. I'm gonna make BAD art. I'm gonna write a blog, and it'll probably be shit. make the art exist and worry if it's good later. I'm going to READ that long book. I've been feeling like time is moving faster than I can run, and that I'm running out of it. I've been far too hesistant to do things slowly. but the time will pass anyway, so I'm going to stop being too afraid to use it. SHIT POST OVER, that's a bit about me. ft pictures of breakfast today, I reckon I'd survive the apocolypse. thanks for reading if you've made it this far :kisskiss:

@ocelotsontoast

May 25, 2025

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following your dreams

been feeling v compelled lately to practice self-respect in the form of dedicating time and energy into honing my creative skills despite the loathsome grind of my 8 - 5 job. i spent a lot of time and money and emotional energy to get the job i have now and i don't hate what i do but i do know that there's more to all of this beautiful life than playing it safe and getting sucked into a monotonous cycle. loving and respecting myself means devoting myself to my higher aspirations. deep down i know my soul glows brightest when i create and i'm seen thru that work. i'm on a ferocious pursuit to brighten that glow every day and i hope you are too if you feel that same impulse.

@justjeff

Feb 13, 2024

Top Recs from @22

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Born to be terrified

I've been told that people in the army do more by 7:00 AM than I do in an entire day, but if I wake at 6:59 AM and turn to you to trace the outline of your lips with mine, I will have done enough and killed no one in the process. - 6:59 AM by Shane Koyczan we take love for granted, and i do more than anyone. i find it so beautiful that there is one pair of flesh and bones and eyes and a mouth that truly do belong at the top of the hierarchy. she is perfection and love in itself, and i remind myself that to be stagnant to unproductive may never be my fate if my day is long spent loving her.

@22

Feb 11, 2025

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i wake to another morning

as i promised -

@22

Feb 13, 2025

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the world is over

i forgot my headphones at home. i was about to either 1) pump black country new road 2) watch brooklyn 99. i miss being passionate about things, not being able to sleep, eat, speak, or fathom anything beyond the apple of my eye and the fruit of my thoughts. i miss waking up with one thing in mind, how i would explore it that day, and how i would explore it the next it’s been people it’s been sewing guitar driving religion philosophy photography writing filming blogging i think, regardless of any tik tok data explosion with the intention of ripping out each of my brain cells to keep me submissive and docile because of a wrecked attention span, i’m not a girl of her commitments- i get bored. and i am bored. i feel this lack of passion so deeply in my body, its been a catalyst for the recent crashouts ive had ( and there’s been plenty) i don’t know how to stay, and work hard, and allow myself to grow to what i want to be right in this instance. not to shine my own shoes, but i’m not super used to being bad at things. i’ve always always always coasted, and now that im trying to be a gaf (give a fuck) filled girl, ive realized, sucking at something hurts a lot more when you’ve put in the work to be good at it. if it wasn’t me writing this, and my best friend called me and told me this word for word, i would tell her how normal that feeling was, and that she herself knew what to do; commit. and that is my advice, dear sweet amalia, commit, commit, commit.

@22

Feb 18, 2025