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i've been wrestling with this idea for a little while
let me know if you have any insight
i'm fascinated by the idea of true belief. i want it, i admire it, i respect it. i also think it is scary and it can cause so much damage.
lately i've been thinking how everything we see we process through our own perception, so all of reality is subjective. we can interact with nothing as it is, but only as we are. if you think about synchronicity too, all meaning projected onto the world becomes valid and true. everything exists only to confirm what you're experiencing. if you believe the phase of the moon being the same at two points in time holds meaning, it does because it's just another part of your mental map.
but when it comes to religion and politics it can be so destructive. i wasn't raised with religion but i have always felt myself drawn towards it. i am at the same time very critical of it, especially how the human aspect of organized religion tends to be used for control, but i truly admire true belief. but seeing the results of it, like the persecution of trans people in american politics, is scary and sends me back to the critical mindset. but there's still some appeal i can't shake.
what if there were a geocentrist today? someone who worked a normal job, went about an ordinary life, they just happened to believe the earth was at the center of the universe. that's kind of a beautiful thing. if you only draw conclusions from your own experience, of course the earth is at the center. everything seems to orbit around it. and there's still a purity in believing only in what you have found for yourself. the world would live only in their mind, and each world created by each person is all the more precious for being unique and reflective of its individual.
i'm just rambling at this point, but what do you guys think? true belief: yes or no?
Mar 12, 2025
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I’m an ex-religious person. I left my religion because you know, I used my brain, critical thinking, logic, all that smart stuff. But honestly? Being realistic is boring as fuck. Like painfully boring.
So why not believe in soulmates? Why not believe that Zeus split us into two halves and my other half is somewhere out there wondering the Earth? Why not believe in mermaids and vampires ? Life’s way more interesting when you believe that there is a witch out there is probably doing some cool spiritual rituals under the moon or whatever. Or this charm is going to bring you luck .
And honestly when I’m sad and need someone to care about me, why not pray to Athena? There’s no way God was a man. Absolutely no way. I’m not sitting here praying to some dude. If I’m asking for help, it’s from a goddess, obviously.
Apr 26, 2025
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sorry guys i know i've posted about the same thing like four times now but it helps me work out my ideas to see them up on here
been thinking about postmodern writing and all the "critical theory" bucket of literature, how so much of it reads so cold despite having interesting ideas
it's the same thing i resent about performance theory, too detached, too intellectual with nothing underneath, i don't like things that seem like they were written only for the classroom
but then you get someone like clarice lispector (and krasznahorkai sometimes) that just knocks you over
they still use the heady language for the most part but it doesn't come off pretentious or disconnected, truly it could be said no simpler way
i think the main thing is some kind of underlying spirituality or belief in truth, whatever that might mean
maybe just sincerity
Mar 20, 2025
Everything above 100% is true btw^
All things considered I think I have a pretty normal interior landscape. Songs get stuck in my head. I daydream & I fantasize & I ruminate & I contemplate. Sometimes my mind is busy, sometimes it is totally quiet. Memory is something that constantly fails me-- it's closer to propaganda than documentary to me. And the projectionist who plays the propaganda to me is this blind, deaf, volatile schizophrenic intent on making me, the rememberer, as deluded & ill informed as possible. Sometimes I'll have this strange feeling that I've received a memory from the future in a dream, even more rarely I'll get this sort of memory in the waking world. To understand what I'm talking about, click the link I've supplied.
But really, honestly, outside of that I like to daydream a lot. Today I was thinking about visiting Georgia & daydreaming about being a young Russian nobleman in the 19th century, the son of some diplomat or something, laid out in some Tblisi opium den. I'm faded as fuck & I'm staring at the rug and the ceiling & then rolling over facedown in the naked breasts of some Georgian woman. She is perfumed & her arms are fat & she pets my hair and coos-- this is incredibly disgusting to me of course.
Sometimes I think that Consciousness is a curse. Free will was given to us by God, but Knowledge of Good & Evil was something that we were tricked into taking up by the serpent (ouroboros). Not a coincidence that all great sages exhort those who seek wisdom to cease with their perception & their perception of perception & their perception of perception of perception. Meta-cognition is the flattened out ourobouros (serpent) that traps the thinker in Hell.
Feb 14, 2025
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i love being alone. i know who i am when i'm alone and i love myself when i'm alone. when i'm around people it's easy to forget and i get lost and aimless.
how do you share parts of yourself without feeling overexposed? even just sharing creative work makes me feel like it's not mine any more and makes me doubt the part of myself that went into making it. but i also feel so stagnant when i'm not putting anything out into the world. where is the balance? how do you deal with this?
Feb 24, 2025
Mar 3, 2025