"Stay hungry and stay foolish" is about the posture of humility, of curiosity, of intentional unknowning.
You think you know her. It's true: you do, enough to get married. But she's complex and marvelous and nearly infinite. Know that you'll never really know everything—but take joy in being a perpetual student of her. Seek to discover, uncover, and be surprised every day. And tomorrow she'll be a little bit different than today and really different in a year. That's wonderful. The she that you married won't be the she in ten years. Endless delights and discovery.
Violently avoid complacency in your marriage. Be comfortable together but avoid getting too comfortable. Don't take her for granted. And if you feel like she's taking you for granted, then tell her you feel that way—say it lovingly, over dinner and with champagne and with a smile—but definitely say something.
Say something. If you can't let it go and forgive it, then you've got to surface it. Mercilessly evict those little offenses, don't let them fester into toxic walls.
You're probably wrong. Keep that in mind. You might think you are definitely right. Well, she also thinks she's definitely right. In every conversation and conflict hold space for the possibility that you are wrong. That way you don't end up being the jerk who can't admit error—or the jerk who lords your rightness over her. Be humble in being wrong and gracious in being right.
Be teachable. You're going to have to be teachable as you enter into this next stage in life and as you move through other stages and expansions that may follow. What's served you well up until this point has been good, but it will be inadequate to take you into the seasons ahead.
Never stop learning. Never fully arrive. Don't plateau.
Be your own person. Let her be her own person. Insist on that. Encourage and protect and fight for her independence—as you at the same time seek to be interdependent.
Need one another! But also don't need one another.
You've got something special now, just the two of you. Protect it. So try not to go to intimate places with others that you can't go with her. Fight for those intimacies.
You've got something special now, so bring others into it. The warmth and community in your own little village of the two of you isn't just for you: it's for the wayward friend, the crying child, the weary stranger. You've got a good thing here. Be generous with it.
You know that thing oft said thing about love (which they'll probably quote at you on your wedding day), that "love is patient and kind and keeps no record of wrongs and always hopes and forgives" and so on, aim for that! Achieving it is impossible, but it's a damn fine target.
You've got this. You’ve got what it takes.
Also: you don't have what it takes! And when you don’t have what it takes, that’s fine too. She might not either. You get to grow together. And that’s the most beautiful part of all.
Good luck! We're rooting for you!
--
My cred for offering all of this: I am human. I am here. There was an empty text box and a share button.
May 15, 2025
Related Recs
💍
Foolishly in love with my self-loathing, we’ve been married for years now. Although history proves I've been loyal, I can’t lie; my eyes are wandering. Moving on and self-acceptance have been looking real good recently. I think it's the promise they hold. I’ve inched towards them slowly, but I’m a married man. Leaving something that’s been with me for so long now is very daunting. To leave is to break trust and commitment. Who's lain in bed with me all these years, who's kept me company after dark? How could I dare leave my loyal partner? How foolish of me.
-Me
Feb 12, 2025
I think there’s something really sweet about people—especially those who don’t see themselves as writers—writing their own vows. They can be kinda messy and specific and it doesnt matter as long as the sentiment is true and I think that’s beautiful (this week’s newsletter is sorta about this).
Aug 2, 2024
✨
You and Jennie seem amazing so I'm not going to try for vague relationship advice, I hope your friends and family have that covered.
But for the wedding (and honestly big parties in general), plan the shit out of it until the night before, and then don't worry about it anymore. Starting then just enjoy the feelings. You're getting married! To a really cool person! It should be fun! Let the food people handle food and the music people handle the music and trust the groomsmen and bridesmaids to handle the little possible mishaps. Your job is to take in the the people you've gathered and celebrate this new fun part of your life.
(so that's my unsolicited marriage advice from an unmarried young person, bc Matt said I could)
May 15, 2025
Top Recs from @mattshawsome
🛑
this is worthy of celebration: the lack of video—autoplay video, noisy inane video, panicky video, algorithmic, dumb video, rabbit hole video, any video—on pi.fyi is a good thing
Oct 5, 2024
🥾
this is going to hurt — A LOT — but it's getting to the point where there's no other option
Mar 11, 2025