Iām in this process right now, and I was feeling really down the other day about comparing myself to my friends, especially financially. I fell into these ideas about being over or under six figures and whether that actually says anything about me as a person. I got sad about being the lowest paid person in my group and if my friends should be friends with me. And my closest sister is a whole ass medical doctor too. What am I doing with my life??
But then my oldest sister sent a sc of a text she got about how great she is at her job, and she said sheās thriving and loves what she does. And she does *not* make money. Money helps for sure, and itās nice to have a fancy title (people would always be so impressed when I dropped the word āneuroscienceā and now I feel so awkward talking about it in the past tense, like will they judge me if they think I just couldnāt hack it?) but itās really important to truly understand what success means to *you*.
I think pivoting to occupational therapy will be really good for my personality and skill sets, and itās also directly impactful on peopleās lives. Iāll make enough for sure, but not as much as my one sister or some of my friends, but thatās not the point. It just matters if Iām doing a good job and having an impact. If Iām doing well and doing good, then Iām doing fine. š
Jun 9, 2025
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šŖ
To be upfront, there are two things about myself that I love:
1. I'm tenacious AF
2. I am generally a positive person. I can handle almost any situtation, and I've had to learn to actually ask/demand more, so it's not always great.
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
Dec 4, 2024
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Iāve been thinking about this a lot regarding my plan to purge/organize my home, because the way I used to do projects like this just doesnāt work anymore. I can no longer wait until I have the energy, then do as much as I can in one go. I do not have the gift of uninterrupted time anymore. Instead, Iāve had to adjust to a more slow and steady way of working. I choose *one* space to work on each day. Often times it ends up being one drawer, or corner, or step in the process.
Logically this is great and the best way to meet my goals. Mentally/emotionally I kid of hate it because itās not how Iāve worked for my entire life. I have big ideas and want to do them right now!!!! But, when is growth or change ever without a bit of uncomfortability or pain?
So, I am actively changing my mindset. I speak positively to myself about the one small thing I did that day. I share that one small thing with my husband and friends. Because in actuality if it was so easy for me to do, I wouldāve done it before. So my effort deserves some recognition!! Positive reinforcement, even when itās to our own selves, can carry us a long way š«¶
Jan 13, 2025
šŖ
^^THIS mantra saved my life. I feel for you and I feel equipped to answer this, it's been a main theme for me since I finished college about 8 years ago.
No one prepares you for the absolute freefall of post grad. We're trained to work our ass off in school. Make ourselves appear well-rounded so we're marketable. We're able to gauge our progress against our peers in a tangible way. If we work hard, we'll have more opportunities ā in school and in our career. We'll be free, happy, and financially comfortable. But it's not true. The tracks suddenly end and there's no clear path forward. It's a freedom that feels harrowing to most people (it did to me!) because no one is telling you what you should do, and that's so scary. And it's normal.
A "career" is a product of various factors like opportunity, socioeconomic status, nepotism, and luck. Obviously there are exceptions, but that's a more common reality. I'm not saying it's pointless to get good grades and a college degree š but it's definitely not a guarantee to get your "dream job" or any job lol. I'm someone that worked hard to do everything "right" and it still took me 3+ years to get a job in the industry I studied. I worked retail and felt like a failure while I watched my friends climb up a ladder I couldn't even touch yet. When I finally landed a full-time marketing job I would find myself complaining a ton. About my boss or my random coworker or that I wasn't making the world a better place. The goal I'd been working to achieve my whole life was just a big, fat bummer! The bubble popped. I'd apply to jobs like a new start would save me. Then I got laid off. I landed a new gig that isn't perfect either.
But I'm starting to realize it doesn't really matter.
I've gone through cycles of feeling so oppressed by capitalism, so out of control of my own day-to-day, I developed severe depression and anxiety. My career-self and home-self split further and further apart because I didn't feel safe at work.
But recently I've realized a big part of why I was miserable was because that's what I told myself. Maybe I needed to cycle through these feelings for some reason. I got on medication, did a yoga teacher training, and started doing little things throughout the day to make myself happy. When I stopped being so hard on myself to reach some stupid made-up standard I could finally exhale. It also really helped to spend time with people older than me. Now I make choices to improve my life even just 1%, like going home at lunch to spend a few minutes in the sun, cutting back on alcohol, saying no to things I didn't want to do. I'm enjoying the now more than ever before because I stopped trying to push myself to look for what's next.
Now when I feel my anxiety creeping in at work (or anywhere) I just tell myself it's not that serious. 99% of the time it's true. You can not love your job and still be ridiculously happy. I've spent my life honoring all my emotions and not all of them deserve to be honored! Release and enjoy where you're at! The good and the bad, it's all temporary.
May 8, 2025
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this photo is from september 2018 and I still havenāt seen anything like it since
May 26, 2025
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Thatās just not what weāre doing here
Jun 1, 2025
I got him at a particularly difficult point in my life and Iāve had him for 6.5 years now wow!!! Heās always been big, just much larger dimensions than a normal cat as well as being a little chubby lol. Heās a sweetie pie and is finally coming around to his little sister š
Jun 7, 2025