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why friend-shaped?

[Hi, hi! I'm going to be one of those annoying people who can't help but revert to themselves when presented with the lives and very real concerns of other people.] I went hiking once with my grandfather who, at the ripe age of 75, was better acquainted with the outdoorsy lifestyle than myself (I'm in my 20s). The sun was high. I was coughing up my lungs. And before this particular event in my life, I never even thought it possible to simultaneously feel your legs burning and yet find them numb from pain.  When I couldn’t take it anymore, I found a neat little slump with a shade and rested there. I have a penchant for drama but if I’m being honest, without the slump, the climb wouldn’t have been possible for me.  Since then, I’ve been working on thinking about the slump, not as a pit that epitomizes our downward spiral, but as a place of rest. Recovery. Maybe even a chance to discover things without the weight of productivity. I tend to revisit “the slump” a lot these days.  Walking always helps. Go outside for a bit. Laugh with good friends. I know you have things to do and places to be, but there’s nothing quite like the view in front of us.

@shekyerb00ty

May 19, 2024

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Hello?

Not that anyone will care, but to understand me you have to understand this: I was raised by Christian Protestant fundamentalists, the youngest of 4 by 10 years. Although I resent the church and the theology I desperately tried to make myself believe, I am grateful for their teachings of serving and loving others, even if they contradicted themselves when they told me to fear the evil nature of humanity. I was named after my grandma, who lived with me for 11 years of my childhood and remained ever trusting and kind as she fell victim to dementia. By the time I was 8 my parents seemed to have tired from raising 4 kids and intensively caring for a 90 year old woman, and I was free to bike miles across town to the library unsupervised, and patch myself up when I fell and bled, and lock myself in my room to read every spare hour of the day. I would read while I ate breakfast, I would read while brushing my teeth, I would read and I wouldn’t hear it if someone called my name. I discovered the internet soon after and unfortunately the curiosities it offered won out over literature. When the internet taught me I wouldn’t live forever in heaven under the tree of life with Teddy Roosevelt and my grandpa, I was on my own to process and panic and pretend to pray. My family came from Norway, across Canada, down to Northern Idaho to work in the lumber yards, and finally to Oregon when starvation wages hit the shop teachers. My mom grew up on elk tongue sandwiches and I was never allowed to leave a plate full. I always struggled with friendships, not because people didn’t like me but because I have a tendency for isolating myself. The people I love most tend to be strange and upfront and vulnerable. And I do love my family, but more than anything I want to be independent and meet many strange and upfront people who will lead me to adventure. I am almost 20 and I am an artist. I have no tattoos and I am reckoning with my potential.

@eatgraeps

Feb 28, 2025

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the world is over

i forgot my headphones at home. i was about to either 1) pump black country new road 2) watch brooklyn 99. i miss being passionate about things, not being able to sleep, eat, speak, or fathom anything beyond the apple of my eye and the fruit of my thoughts. i miss waking up with one thing in mind, how i would explore it that day, and how i would explore it the next it’s been people it’s been sewing guitar driving religion philosophy photography writing filming blogging i think, regardless of any tik tok data explosion with the intention of ripping out each of my brain cells to keep me submissive and docile because of a wrecked attention span, i’m not a girl of her commitments- i get bored. and i am bored. i feel this lack of passion so deeply in my body, its been a catalyst for the recent crashouts ive had ( and there’s been plenty) i don’t know how to stay, and work hard, and allow myself to grow to what i want to be right in this instance. not to shine my own shoes, but i’m not super used to being bad at things. i’ve always always always coasted, and now that im trying to be a gaf (give a fuck) filled girl, ive realized, sucking at something hurts a lot more when you’ve put in the work to be good at it. if it wasn’t me writing this, and my best friend called me and told me this word for word, i would tell her how normal that feeling was, and that she herself knew what to do; commit. and that is my advice, dear sweet amalia, commit, commit, commit.

@22

Feb 18, 2025

Top Recs from @eatgraeps

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BEING A RIVER FAIRY

I used to pray for days like this

@eatgraeps

Jun 10, 2025

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PI.FYI IS HARM REDUCTION FOR MY INTERNET ADDICTION

i may have spent a sinister amount of time here today but better with you folk than in the wild west of short form video content….

@eatgraeps

May 21, 2025

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THINKING ABOUT ITALIAN CONDOM & CIGARETTE VENDING MACHINES

they really have this whole life thing figured out

@eatgraeps

May 20, 2025