😃
I don’t want to pretend that I don’t care about you that I don’t wonder how are you doing. That I don’t feel the frustration that you are going through and not reach a hand out. You know I think about about all the people that I loved and I never gotten a chance to tell them that because I’m too scared to tell how I feel to bear my soul to them to expose myself. I am scared of how they reacted thinking that my love is too much. That it might suffacate you. Well I don’t want want to do that any more I don’t want fear to rule my life. I don’t want words to go being unsaid. I love you and I care about you. And I don’t want to punish myself for that. This world is scary and I don’t know why we punish ourselves for wanting to connect with the people we want to. The ones we are drawn to. My love for you has no expectation no analysis no Freud. I care and I love because I simply to. I want to spend an average day beyond these simple pleasantries beyond this conversation. And I want you to know that. That no matter what I am here for you and I would do anything for you. And I see you. I see you beyond the charactures of personality that we curate to blend in. I see you. And I see the pain. And I see the joy. And I want to be there. And I want nothing. I just want you to let me love you.
Apr 23, 2024
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⭐
you know,
all i like to write about is love.
writing is easier when it’s about your own personal experiences of grief, of pain
but love is the beautiful dove of the two
released at a funeral, released at a wedding.
,
because the definition is different for everybody.
—
the trees rustle again tonight, and the wind gently taps on the windowpane, begging again to be let in
and my thoughts race farther and faster in the night than a pure-bred, hot-blooded racehorse, bucking wild for the first time
my mind buzzes, stricken like a gong, reverberating in the quietness of tonight
as i drag myself closer to you,
you reach out for me, an unspoken, gentle and devout prayer, asking for me in the unspeakable words conveyed in a whisper through actions
–
i promised you a fantastical world of your own, where you are safe, through my own creation.
i have created for you in the heart of my own somewhere for me to love you,
fully and infinitely with all of myself.
if this is not where you are safe, then there is nothing else.
–
word by word and sentence by sentence
i create dreams i would never tell anybody
not even under the skies of a cloudless night.
when i sleep, i tuck my hopes and sadness under my pillow
and hope a fairy will kidnap it and place in that spot
something i should need more.
but night after night, my dreams just macerate in the container of my heart.
soon, i will drink them like an elixir of truth
and what i am afraid of will come
2d ago
and all that has loved me, dead or alive.
humanity is such a fragile thing, cherish it, squint at the sun, be happy for your friends and their wins, be happy for yourself and your wins, be happy for the people smiling across the street. don’t waste the miniscule, unimportant, tiny fraction of a cosmic second that is our lifetime being an asshole. love everyone and love yourself i love love i give love and i receive it. i love my surroundings, my bed, my family who i come home to every day, my mom and dad who do so much for me, my sister who is always there for me and has been my best friend for life, my pets (come home stevie, we miss you), access to food and water, my friends who i truly cherish, nature, the wind and the breeze, music, oh the music of life how the birds chirp and the streams swell and fall and dance around the wet earth guiding the arrival to the calm rivers, the vast waterfalls, the sun and moon, eternally locked in a neverending dance that gives us another day, a fresh start. my silly little device that connects me with everyone in a second, and i can talk to my friends and say hi and that i love them i actually love everyone i’m sorry is that a problem? i love how everyone looks so different and how everyone is living a vivid life and has problems and situations as complex as mine (there’s a word for that i think) and i love how everyone has different scars and birth marks and hair and eyes and i love how everyone acts a little different and has their own personality and spin on things and i love art and how being is an art in and of itself, to exist is to persist. i love how i can give back to my community, i love volunteering it makes me so emotional when i’m finished because i love helping whenever i can i’m not trying to sound self righteous or anything. i love pushing my body to its limits in sport, i love running and i love dancing so so much i love moving my body and creating art in synchronicity with music. i love water, the beach, sand, i love lakes, sunsets, that feeling of silence but not loneliness. i love being outside and just sitting, no thoughts, just wanting to live out a moment forever. but i also love living past that moment and living another moment and another and soon i will post this and then 8 months later look back on this and smile and love it. i actually am ok and it’s all going to be ok and i love you and everything
Mar 7, 2025
🎭
and i made a song about you but it’s also about me and no one will ever hear it its called my thoughts and its not actually a song but the way music flies out of your mouth makes me want to say sweet nothings as i put my words with yours like a torn up half read book you keep by your bedside table that you tell yourself you’ll get around to. i play fast and loose with my actions around you, and maybe it’s too much even for me.
i try to distract with overconsumption of digital content thst just fucking overwhelmes me and gets in the way of anything getting done.
you’ll never read this by the way. but can i recite the pages of senseless amateur poetry i wrote about you?
i never really belong anywhere, and i camouflage into a current residence until i trick myself into thinking i truly know the people i’m around. it happened once, the effect that is. im not there anymore, and i hope those people don’t hate me like i hate myself for leaving. this isn’t about you, just me rehashing horrible guy-wrenching emotions of a past (if you can even call two years ago the past), and things i don’t talk about.
im the most observant person ever, and you wouldn’t expect it. i’m so sensitive, i pick up every little movement someone does and i overthink everything thst happens before and after a conversation, guilt racks me after any social gathering and i wonder if i said anything wrong.
but there’s so much to be grateful for life is so so beautiful im so lucky to be alive and have this device that i’m emotionally giving myself to and have given my life to. i love love, life, and people and i already made a long post about this im not reiterating. and i love how i can see you everyday and stand on the sidelines as your hype man in your game of love, ill hold the water bottle of my unrequited longing, ready to serve drops of my musings of you only to accidentally pour myself onto you.
Mar 26, 2025
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😃
I am full of stories
A walking library
Waiting for someone to pick out a book
Read me
Tell me who I am
Apr 23, 2024
😃
Its a new year
A fresh plate
A clean slate
I bought grapes to eat under the table at midnight
To find my love
But i ended up forgetting while i was cleaning my room
Something i told myself i want to do for me
And i wrote a goal list
Decorated my notebook
Laughed
Danced
Sung at the top of my lungs
And i think thats my sign
Leave the search for this man
Put that passion into yourself
Search for me
Laugh
Dance
And sing at the top of your lungs
You are whole
All of you
Beautiful
Theres nothing missing
Nothing to search for
No grapes to eat under tables
Apr 15, 2024
😃
I’m not the person you thought I was
Or the person I thought I was
In this strange new town
I can find anything to lean on
To grasp on
To find who I was
Same face
But a heart that prays for something else
And no one knows me
Like this pen
I hold between my fingers
Apr 25, 2024