most of the social anxiety i had got drop-kicked out of my body fairly quickly after working as a host/server/bartender. it was my job to talk to sometimes hundreds of strangers on a weekly basis. it’s a way to get comfortable interacting with people you don’t know bc there is an understood structure to the interaction, but one you can riff on and make your own. it’s kind of like being on a little stage, you get comfortable with people looking at you and talking to you and asking you questions and that comfort translates to other areas of life. it also gives you great experience learning how to make other people comfortable which is a huge key for reducing not only your own social anxiety, but the social anxiety of other folks you interact with. these days, talking to strangers is easy peasy unless im really just not in the mood, which is also fine. you gotta know when you’re open to chatting vs when you’re feeling introverted and not push yourself to always be one or the other.
if that kind of job doesn’t make sense for you, volunteering is a great option. examples of things i’ve done are volunteering to help out with local concert/event production, volunteering to gallery sit for local art orgs, volunteering at local festivals, etc etc. try to sign up for something to do that requires you to interact with lots of people (working the door at an event, selling tickets, coordinating other volunteers, doing outreach, answering phones, etc etc) if you’re open to it, seek out some kind of leadership role and the growth will become exponential. putting yourself into situations where you have to talk to people you don’t know will lead to cool conversations, plenty of dead ends, and a fair share of awkward moments, but you’ll learn to embrace all of it. mileage is key, gotta get those reps in.
May 13, 2024
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Absolutely love, I think I've never been shy really but I've shared this feeling you've got of anxiety and fear that my interactions with other people might go so wrong. Used to happen to me because I wasn't sure if I was someone they would like, and my asocial tendencies might get in the way of anyone liking me. Not only that, at some point I convinced myself it wasn't worth trying cause they were probably bad people and would laugh about me. But I'll tell you what, I went to this sort of spiritual retreat with other tenagers at the time, and the woman who was leading it always told us something that seems obvious but that I never really understood until that point, and it was "Opportunities belong to those who take them" if you don't take the opportunity what face do you have to complain?. I ain't lying when I say it changed my life. Because then every time I saw someone I really wished I could talk to I would remind myself that the opportunity was there, beyond the fear and everything, it was there waiting for me. The next thing to learn was to get used to rejection, it sounds awful but the more you hear the word No, the less limiting it is, the less scary. You can't imagine how beautiful it can be for someone else to feel you found them so interesting and worthy of your time even without having met them yet. And finally, start small, give a compliment, set the base for those people you want to meet, let your face be familiar to them, next time you might smile at them, and when it feel comfortable go and say hi, make small talk, tell them what you found nice about them and ask if it would be okay to have their socials, maybe you'll create a bond steady enough to ask for a coffee date or meet up.
wish you the best of lucks XOXO
Apr 26, 2025
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these two things have been huge for helping me get a healthy level of community. oh there’s an event that looks cool that you saw on socials? go. don’t have anyone to go with? didn’t ask. you’ll meet cool people there.
someone is putting on something or invited you to come with them to something? you’re going. oh you don’t know that person super well? don’t care. you’re going to get to know them now.
being introverted just means you need a balance of socializing and solitude, but you don’t get community in isolation. if a door opens to you and it seems cool, don‘t deny yourself an experience! approaching it with the mindset of going to build community and meet people and broaden your horizons will get you far.
Nov 23, 2024
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As an Only child that’s struggled with social anxiety since forever, i have always enjoyed going to shows & functions & restaurants & doing whatever by myself. Im used to it & it’s natural & comfortable. I’m consistently reminded how ironically this behavior has both filled my life with such amazing people & has helped practice how I show up in social settings & lessen anxiety. feeling grateful this sunday
Nov 10, 2024
Top Recs from @trappedinabody
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felt the same way, was sick of it. got a flip phone i could slip my sim card into, activated it. first two weeks i was kind of itching for the smartphone and the little dopamine hits. after a while things started changing. i started reading for fun again, my attention span improved significantly, i carried a little journal everywhere to jot down my thoughts. in every room where everyone was on their phones, i felt like i was the only person actually present, paying attention. i found so many beautiful ways to fill the time. strangers praised me for my bravery lol. when i had to drive or go somewhere i didn’t know how to get to i would write down the directions on a post it note and carry it or stick it to the dashboard. you will literally feel smarter for relying on your brain to figure things like this out instead of being on autopilot all the time. you can carry your smartphone around to use as an ipod/pocket camera and in an emergency it will still work on wifi. i asked friends to look things up for me (business hours, weather, traffic, phone numbers) when i was out and about. if people texted me id tell them to call me if they wanted to talk. it was a great decision that only ended bc i did an extended trip abroad where i needed my phone to get by, but i am going to go back to the flip again soon. i highly recommend! nothing compares to flipping a phone shut to hang up a call. it taught me how to enjoy true solitude again. do it!!!
Feb 27, 2024
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after being raised in a context where you were taught to be hard on yourself, leaning into self-compassion as a way of life in adulthood is truly powerful. hold yourself accountable and give yourself grace when you flounder, both are needed.
Mar 3, 2024
“wow i am in so much pain, i feel so ALIVE”
“i am grateful to know that i have loved, truly loved”
“may i never grow too guarded to feel into the depths of my soul”
“all my favorite artists have felt this feeling, i am bound by heartbreak to my fellow humans”
“this grief is a process of me returning to myself”
if all else fails, watch the clip from call me by your name where the dad talks to his son about heartbreak (linked)
keep a journal, be patient, show yourself as much compassion as you possibly can
Mar 16, 2024