Absolutely love, I think I've never been shy really but I've shared this feeling you've got of anxiety and fear that my interactions with other people might go so wrong. Used to happen to me because I wasn't sure if I was someone they would like, and my asocial tendencies might get in the way of anyone liking me. Not only that, at some point I convinced myself it wasn't worth trying cause they were probably bad people and would laugh about me. But I'll tell you what, I went to this sort of spiritual retreat with other tenagers at the time, and the woman who was leading it always told us something that seems obvious but that I never really understood until that point, and it was "Opportunities belong to those who take them" if you don't take the opportunity what face do you have to complain?. I ain't lying when I say it changed my life. Because then every time I saw someone I really wished I could talk to I would remind myself that the opportunity was there, beyond the fear and everything, it was there waiting for me. The next thing to learn was to get used to rejection, it sounds awful but the more you hear the word No, the less limiting it is, the less scary. You can't imagine how beautiful it can be for someone else to feel you found them so interesting and worthy of your time even without having met them yet. And finally, start small, give a compliment, set the base for those people you want to meet, let your face be familiar to them, next time you might smile at them, and when it feel comfortable go and say hi, make small talk, tell them what you found nice about them and ask if it would be okay to have their socials, maybe you'll create a bond steady enough to ask for a coffee date or meet up.
wish you the best of lucks XOXO
Apr 26, 2025
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This was a very sweet answer and made me feel a lot more positive about this. You're right, if I don't try I'll never know 💖 I have to hold on to that thought!
Apr 26, 2025
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most of the social anxiety i had got drop-kicked out of my body fairly quickly after working as a host/server/bartender. it was my job to talk to sometimes hundreds of strangers on a weekly basis. it’s a way to get comfortable interacting with people you don’t know bc there is an understood structure to the interaction, but one you can riff on and make your own. it’s kind of like being on a little stage, you get comfortable with people looking at you and talking to you and asking you questions and that comfort translates to other areas of life. it also gives you great experience learning how to make other people comfortable which is a huge key for reducing not only your own social anxiety, but the social anxiety of other folks you interact with. these days, talking to strangers is easy peasy unless im really just not in the mood, which is also fine. you gotta know when you’re open to chatting vs when you’re feeling introverted and not push yourself to always be one or the other.
if that kind of job doesn’t make sense for you, volunteering is a great option. examples of things i’ve done are volunteering to help out with local concert/event production, volunteering to gallery sit for local art orgs, volunteering at local festivals, etc etc. try to sign up for something to do that requires you to interact with lots of people (working the door at an event, selling tickets, coordinating other volunteers, doing outreach, answering phones, etc etc) if you’re open to it, seek out some kind of leadership role and the growth will become exponential. putting yourself into situations where you have to talk to people you don’t know will lead to cool conversations, plenty of dead ends, and a fair share of awkward moments, but you’ll learn to embrace all of it. mileage is key, gotta get those reps in.
May 13, 2024
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ive met some wonderful people by just showing up to an event of some kind by myself and simply approaching people. a lot of the time you dont even need to approach someone because something happens nearby that you both can bond over. i. e. i met a very kind couple at a concert bc some guy next to me was being weird and rowdy, and they stepped in to shield me! how nice! and we still keep up with eachother.
obviously, you have to keep your wits about you and make sure someone you do know knows where you are, but really what im getting at is this:
simply by being around people, you will meet people. just have fun with it and be bold, and when you DO meet people, you have to keep up the effort in following up a couple times to keep the conversation flowing. 🦋
Feb 2, 2025
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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4d ago
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If it rains, I always take lavender tea and an hour of my day to read or nap. If it is sunny, I make myself cold orange juice in the morning and take ten minutes of my day to sunbathe before I do anything. Coming from a country that doesn't have seasons and a city with bipolar weather.
Apr 26, 2025