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living alone?

Honestly my whole life I been by myself, and you might wonder what I mean by that? jajaaj welp, let me tell you a story about me. i struggled early on life due to my father addictions and violent personality, my mother passed away early on too and I gactually got to live with her until 6-7. After that, all I knew was loneliess, I have a brother but he was very brotherly I would say, because we got a long sometimes and sometimes we don't. apart from this i got a stepmother, which had child-like personality so we got a long just like kids. she is a very nice person and struggled a lot by my father sides. we all struggled by his side a lot as he is also a narcisistic. everything had to be about him and so on. i say i been alone, because with my surrondings i was always separeted from the people that truly cared for me and the people that were around didn't really see me, because of this i always had to deal with my emotions by myself and became a very quiet kid. it was awful to put up with shit and always blame it on myself, because that's what everybody is saying. growing up with very emotionally distant people, always leave you the lonely scar. this is why i always wanted to have friends, but in a weird way jajjaja i was very awkward too and violent. i did a lot of things to impress people or to like them, things like putting down other people, or doing silly things in front of everybody. all of this has resulted in me needing therapy (and graduating!) and needing people to approve of me. honestly, i can't pin point the thoughts i had when the need to impress taked over me as they were like the usual. i feel like i been rambling around my loneliness, but that also felt like context. i am now a very different person honestly, but the sadness of not fitting in my family (because i moved out on my own and stopped talking to the rotten ones in my family) and seeing everybody else talking about their mothers and fathers, makes me feel so bad. like i understand that we musn't look to the other persons plate, but when you do and see how empty yours is, is difficult to not go crazy. i crash out from time to time and i allow myself to do so, becuase is fucking hard. i live on my own by my own means in this ECONOMY, so that just mades everything worse. i hate to see people with parents that actually lookout for them, like no matter what they do they parents will always be there to support them. i hate happy families, and the thing my little self always says in the back when i see this is "why not me?"

@conconetedekoko

2d ago

🫂

I feel for you

I healed a lot of attachment issues and it is a lot of work you need to do, coupled with the healing that can only be done through relationship. First and foremost, our attachment issues always start with our parents. Sorry about it. You are going to have to go into the pain of not getting what you needed in childhood. Even the best parents with the best intentions don’t always get it right. Once you not only understand where it comes from, but also free up some of the emotional space it is taking up, you can begin the process of becoming very aware of the thoughts and feelings that come up when you become fearful or avoidant. This is probably the heaviest part of the work. You are going to have to question all of your thoughts and feelings. Having a therapist you are working with can be really helpful in this process because they simply can provide an outside perspective. Let’s say you have a wound from being cheated on in the past, and your partner is not texting you back right away and you start to spiral. first, you need to take some deep breaths and regulate yourself. Then you need to start questioning. Has this person given you a reason to not trust them? do you still have feelings you need to feel regarding the last time you were hurt? What is the fear? Are there actually things you need to discuss with your partner? The more you are able to question, the more discerning you can be on what is your intuition and what is your wounding. A personal story: I still have anxiety that comes up when my husband works late. It is both that I think he is dead, or that he could potentially be cheating on me. I know exactly where those fears come from (thanks dad!), and there is literally no reason to believe that they would be true. I literally imagine those thoughts as a younger version of myself, and I visualize giving that part of me a lot of love. I am regulating myself by imagining me regulating with child me. A big thing for me was going slowly in relationships and really becoming more aware of red flags. You are never going to find a perfect person, but there are things that will be an obvious issue for you. On the other hand, there are issues that can be resolved with communication. Us avoidant types don’t want to be in that process, but that process is important. Unfortunately, the only way that you can learn to be trusting in relationships by practicing being trusting in relationships. TLDR: focus on healing and exploring with yourself first, then slowly work to be in relationship.

@mossyelfie

Jul 9, 2024

🧑

friendship breakups

Despite being the person who pushes people away, I always have a good enough reason. I so strongly believe your circle defines who you are before it was packaged as a self love affirmation. It seemed very obvious as a concept. Anyways, I had a huge group of friends and cut of all but 2 because of a silly fight which had nothing to do with me since I've always believed in quality over quantity. But this decision proved to be so wrong when the two who are dating btw, became druggies and really shitty friends. So much so that my mom warned me about them. I have now opened my eyes and really understood the depth of how much I blindly trusted them and how they fucked my life over. Maybe they meant it, maybe they didn't but I am so not gonna stick around to find out. I am a leaver. Bye bye bitch. I just can't believe I let it get to this point. Sorta disappointed how I am not as adult as I thought I was.

@beadaboobie

Apr 20, 2025

Top Recs from @dyarkin

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chıllıng on the beach

go in the water, come back to the shore, sit under an umbrella and read your book while you listen to the sound of the sea crashing onto the shore and repeat.

@dyarkin

Aug 19, 2024

🖋

delete bumble

I’ve been on like 5 bumble dates till now and two of them were the worst experiences ever, the other three were ok. I feel like there is a pressure on everyone to find someone, this pressure came upon me thanks to my therapist🥰✌️🥰✌️🥰she said to me, you are going to uni and never been in a relationship wtf is wrong with u🥹❤️🥹❤️ sooo I stumbled upon bumble and other dating apps and my first date was me getting sexually assaulted 😋😭😔🤪🤫💕😬🇺🇸 then somehow I continued going on dates with just girls bc fuck men am I right? and they were just basically a waste of time 😁 now after my fifth and hopefully final date from a dating app, I am officially quitting this. I feel so worthless trying to show myself off by just some lousy pictures and a one liner that says nothing about me. I just want to live on my own and like someone not by how they want to be seen, but how they actually are I feel so ashamed of even being on a dating app sometimes, that I get depressed. I get this feeling that I am superficial and just desperate for attention. I need the validation of someone I don’t even know to feel like I am worth something. Not being loved till now has made me feel like I am worth nothing, that nobody will ever want me or need me. That is why I continue doing this shit and I am stopping TODAY wish me luck😬🥰🚬🥺🤪🚬😬👈🥰🦅😮‍💨

@dyarkin

Aug 15, 2024

🎵

doıng thıngs on your own

I used to be so scared of going out alone or doing anything alone. But some of my hobbies do not match with my friends so I was either gonna do them myself or not at all. If you want to go see a movie go do that, it really gives you a big push and makes you feel so much better. Yes, you do need your friends and close ones but you don’t have to rely on them to go do something that you’d want. I went to a concert a couple of weeks ago alone, which was the first big thing I did alone and it really showed me that I can do it! Punch your anxiety in the face lol Start with small stuff and make your way up! Highly recommend

@dyarkin

Aug 5, 2024