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Ugh I feel you and that is rough! It’s hard because everybody has different standard of messiness. Sometimes it simply comes down to a skills issue. Hard to know but honestly it’s not for you to figure out, that’s for him!
With that being said, since this is your friend, I think that you should be open with him about how you feel while also making it clear you want to work together to figure something out. I’ve done chore charts with roommates in the past and that really worked out well. I think it’s important that you have some things in mind but also make it a collaborative effort so he doesn’t feel like you are just putting these demands on him. He will be much more likely to follow through if he helped create it.
I suggest also being very clear with yourself (and him) about what things are most bothersome for you that you really need to have a hard boundary around, and what things you can let slip. I say this because if you are giving that same energy to everything it is going to make things emotionally difficult for you. if he has been living this way thus far, there’s going to be a margin of error here. So I wouldn’t necessarily share what the less important things are, but the most important things.
This is going to be an ongoing process. You might find that some things are working really well and other things aren’t, so you come together to figure out how you can adjust to make it work better. I do think that this conversation really needs to happen though because resentment can build up really easily, especially if you’ve mentioned it before and nothing has happened.
Sep 18, 2024
Related Recs
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- be a good communicator. if you have a problem or are unclear on something or need to make something clear one cannot expect anyone to have the same norms. talk and be on the same page and establish that dynamic for the inevitable times it needs to happen
- figure out respective grocery + dishes + cookware + general belongings ecosystem. some houses can just be communal some have to be separate. depends on who yall are. gotta know which and gotta respect it
- just clean everything you were using in a public space if you don’t intend to keep using it
i feel like when i had roommates our biggest issues were not figuring these things out. but just talking about everything is the biggest one that way if someone is disappointed or angry about something it’s either based in reality or it’s not
May 22, 2024
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if it's your friend you can be gentle but direct. you can explain that you think the common spaces should be respected more, and even offer to help clean it up with them the first time around (though if it's strictly their mess that shouldn't be the norm). honesty is the best policy here, so if it keeps being an issues, have another convo.
Sep 18, 2024
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I’ve had generally really good roomie experiences. however, it’s very easy to find yourself sick of a situation. the best thing is to just establish boundaries early and communicate grievances clearly and fairly. I think most people are generally receptive and respectful of others but some take it as personal attacks and then that’s where it can get messy. however, it’s very possible for it to be peaceful coexistence with good talking. hope it goes well!
2d ago
Top Recs from @mossyelfie
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For some reason this brings me into my parasympathetic nervous system
Mar 28, 2025
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Humans have always danced. It is part of who we are, yet we have been conditioned to be self conscious, to think that we do not move our bodies good enough. Dancing is beyond judgement. Dancing is not a skill, it is our soul moving through our bodies, expressed in movement. Dancing is healing. Dancing is bodily autonomy. Dancing is FUN! Any feeling you are feeling can be moved through with dance yet even alone, you fear looking foolish. Kill the judge in your mind, shut the fuck up, and MOVE 🌊
Apr 24, 2025
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OH BROTHER THIS GUY actually needs a lot of empathy and understanding
Apr 2, 2025