Iāve had generally really good roomie experiences. however, itās very easy to find yourself sick of a situation. the best thing is to just establish boundaries early and communicate grievances clearly and fairly. I think most people are generally receptive and respectful of others but some take it as personal attacks and then thatās where it can get messy. however, itās very possible for it to be peaceful coexistence with good talking. hope it goes well!
2d ago
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- be a good communicator. if you have a problem or are unclear on something or need to make something clear one cannot expect anyone to have the same norms. talk and be on the same page and establish that dynamic for the inevitable times it needs to happen
- figure out respective grocery + dishes + cookware + general belongings ecosystem. some houses can just be communal some have to be separate. depends on who yall are. gotta know which and gotta respect it
- just clean everything you were using in a public space if you donāt intend to keep using it
i feel like when i had roommates our biggest issues were not figuring these things out. but just talking about everything is the biggest one that way if someone is disappointed or angry about something itās either based in reality or itās not
May 22, 2024
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(Note: this isn't a replacement for addressing bad behavior, leaving toxic situations, etc.)
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I had two roommates and one of them was often a real jerk. He was a bit older and he'd lecture us other two about our lives and on a range of issues.
Over time, I'd find that the other roommate and I would trash talk the jerk when he wasn't around.
One time the two of us were sitting in a diner late at night, complaining about the other guy, and we just decided for some reason to change the script. "Let's say what we appreciate about him."
So we did. It was difficult at first, but going back and forth we were able to identify a bunch of stuff that we liked about him. "His beard is great." "He likes good books." "He wants to see people thrive."
Then we headed back to our apartment and to our surprise we were actually looking forward to seeing him. And he seemed like he was looking forward to seeing us.
Things got easier after that. I realized that my expectations and posture toward him was part of the issueāI was getting the negativity that I was saying I was expecting. And so altering my words was a really good step toward fixing my lens and adjusting my heart.
Nov 14, 2024
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Ugh I feel you and that is rough! Itās hard because everybody has different standard of messiness. Sometimes it simply comes down to a skills issue. Hard to know but honestly itās not for you to figure out, thatās for him!
With that being said, since this is your friend, I think that you should be open with him about how you feel while also making it clear you want to work together to figure something out. Iāve done chore charts with roommates in the past and that really worked out well. I think itās important that you have some things in mind but also make it a collaborative effort so he doesnāt feel like you are just putting these demands on him. He will be much more likely to follow through if he helped create it.
I suggest also being very clear with yourself (and him) about what things are most bothersome for you that you really need to have a hard boundary around, and what things you can let slip. I say this because if you are giving that same energy to everything it is going to make things emotionally difficult for you. if he has been living this way thus far, thereās going to be a margin of error here. So I wouldnāt necessarily share what the less important things are, but the most important things.
This is going to be an ongoing process. You might find that some things are working really well and other things arenāt, so you come together to figure out how you can adjust to make it work better. I do think that this conversation really needs to happen though because resentment can build up really easily, especially if youāve mentioned it before and nothing has happened.
Sep 18, 2024
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3d ago
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you can be a vibe if you want to! wear those oversized jeans you donāt know if you suit! light your cigs with a box of matches! play chess in a field with your friend! every time you do something like that and you donāt give a fuck, you get a little bit closer to having the best vibe out there
Mar 28, 2025
like cooking, itās about seeing those enjoy what you play them than the process itself!
Mar 13, 2025