Rec | NO BC REAL??

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my ex, who i dated for a year and thought was the loml, the person i was going to move in with and get married to and adopt a lot of cats with told me that they had "mentally" moved on 6 months before they broke up with me. and my first thought what was our relationship? what were we doing? how did i not realise or see the signs and i felt really stupid. tbh i'm still processing this. but, i think it was on them to lmk and not for me to figure out. also i saw this pin on pinterest that said something like "what do i do when i'm always the one who loves more?" "congratulate yourself." you can't measure love but i think you deserve to be w/ someone who appreciates and values you just as much as you appreciate and value them. someone who puts in as much effort as you are putting in. the most important thing is to never question your worth. ik this must be so hard to deal with but you will get through this <3

@arbitrary_harlequin_tick

Jan 11, 2025

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centering the qualities you loved over the person

whether it's someone you met under through dating, or a platonic friend who doesn't reciprocate your feelings beyond that, there's something about that person that drew you to them and attracted your attention and affection that resulted in you being infatuated regardless of whether or not they reciprocate the important things is identifying that something and seeking it out in other relationships; what it that they made you feel? seen? secure? appreciated? was it physical beauty or creativity or sense of humor? no qualities are unique to any individual, a lot of qualities are actually social in nature and cultivated over the course of a relationship. it's easy to get over your feelings not being returned when you realize that there isn't a scarcity around the kinds of relationships you can have and the people you can have them with, and that your search continues rather than it having ended in "failure" above all else, orienting towards gratitude that you got to have that experience and what you learned about yourself through the process instead of the negative feelings associated with rejection, because rejection largely stings because of perceived scarcity. the thing that's often unsaid but felt is "i don't want to find someone else; it would be so much easier if this person just liked me back" or some permutation. but as long as you live and breathe there are others out there for you to love and be loved by, and maybe some of them will be romantic partners but none of them have to be "the one who got away" unless you put them on that pedestal and only relate to them and yourself from that vantage point

@alaiyo

Feb 1, 2025

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you have to want more for yourself

idk if this will be helpful to you, but if you want to move on from someone who is not giving you what you need, you kinda have to decide that you want more for yourself than what this person is willing to give you. if they're able to give you more doesn't matter btw. someone can be completely in love with you and it kinda doesn't matter if you don't feel it. what i'm saying is even if they're just super busy or too shy to initiate seeing each other in person, the notion of them being interested and struggling to show it is less important than how their actions actually come across to you. you don't want to have to figure out how they feel anyway, do you?

@selectmorsels

Apr 27, 2025

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might not be applicable to your situation but I hope this is helpful in some capacity

i’ve spent most of my life searching for romantic love and thinking something was wrong with me because i never got it. i prayed even though i’m not religious, i had a box filled with manifestations of the “perfect” guy under my pillow, i tried to go after guys i knew were meh because i thought u could make the love blossom, i did honey jar spells, i changed the way i looked, the way i spoke, my interests, i did EVERYTHING. this all resulted in a slew of horrendous situationships that tore down my self-esteem. after these, i definitely worked on myself and became much more confident and sure of myself, but still thought that a relationship would be the thing to make me truly happy. at 20, i had my first real boyfriend and he was “perfect”, or at least everything i thought i had ever wanted. he was attractive, tried to pay for everything, planned the most thoughtful dates, went out of his way to see me, was incredibly intelligent, kind, loyal, hardworking, took care of me when i was sick, and even respected the fact that i’m entirely celibate (like what 20 y/o guy is ok w that??). i ended up breaking up with him after a few months because i realized that a relationship was not what i actually wanted or needed, it was just what i thought about 24/7. not saying this is you, but the steps i took after our breakup might help with your situation. diversify and expand your sources of happiness/love as no one source will make you feel truly fulfilled. i started by doing 4 things: something that expanded my mind, something that earned me money, something that fulfilled me creatively, and something that fed me spiritually. for me this was college classes, a job at a restaurant, painting, hanging out with the people that i love more often, and joining a bunch of clubs at my school. i think our society places so much emphasis on romantic love, but other types, especially the love i receive from my friends has been the most unconditional and satiating. lastly, (again not saying this is you, it’s just a common reality) expecting one person to satisfy all of your need for love is not only dangerous for you (if they leave, you’ll be crushed) but also unfair to them. maybe i‘m just yapping to yap, but i hope this was helpful.