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It's one thing to not go to an event you definitely know you won't enjoy, that's respectable. But when you're on the fence and maybe it would be easier to just not go, you should just go. You will be glad you did. This is how we make memories, and stories, and build community. I realized today I haven't hugged anyone in a while but I hugged a coworker after a work hangout, I had been planning to ditch, and I'm feeling very fragile about it now, in a good way.
Mar 15, 2025
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@BEE1000 as a huge planner/predictor, it took me so long to actually understand that
Mar 16, 2025
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these two things have been huge for helping me get a healthy level of community. oh there’s an event that looks cool that you saw on socials? go. don’t have anyone to go with? didn’t ask. you’ll meet cool people there.
someone is putting on something or invited you to come with them to something? you’re going. oh you don’t know that person super well? don’t care. you’re going to get to know them now.
being introverted just means you need a balance of socializing and solitude, but you don’t get community in isolation. if a door opens to you and it seems cool, don‘t deny yourself an experience! approaching it with the mindset of going to build community and meet people and broaden your horizons will get you far.
Nov 23, 2024
Went to a dumpling-making party last night hosted by old friends I haven’t seen in years despite living in the same city. I went alone even though I didn’t know anyone else there and it was so much fun!! I ended up staying until after midnight and I was the last person to leave the party. I was nervous at first but so glad I pushed through that feeling. Alcohol and the structured activity helped but I know I have the social skills to get through anything.
Jan 26, 2025
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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There's nothing like seeing the city from a plane windows. Sparkling like stars down there. The little people in their little cars and twinkling homes. Feels so bittersweet and human somehow.
Feb 22, 2025
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like damn who curated this, these songs are so good, I really know my tastes well
Feb 28, 2025
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More specifically, watching your favorite rom com and then your crush's favorite rom com (is there an adult word for crush), back to back at the same time as they are watching them. But instead of the social exhaustion of video calling you just text while you watch them. Even better you guys like each other mutually, so it should be exhilerating, but they cannot and will not be with you so instead it's just a lesson in your terrible self restraint. Exhilerating anyway. Good movies, good conversation. Unbeatable.
Mar 2, 2025