🫂
Obviously you gotta make an effort if you want something but I’ve been trying really hard recently to not stress about it to the point it just makes me have a bad time. Seeing people repeatedly over a long period of time will make things happen, it just will, but also only if it’s supposed to!
Picture of Josh O’Connor to convey how calm and relaxed about everything I am.
5d ago
Related Recs
😃
I feel like as you get older, friendships require a lot more effort and intention - you have to commit to wanting to be someone’s friend because everyone else is also an adult with so much going on in their lives! so people can seems a bit hostile and unwilling to open themselves up, but I would say the best way to make new friends is being the one to risk it first. You might be surprised as to how many people are willing to also open up once they know they’re not going to be emotionally dismissed!
Apr 23, 2024
❤️
This piece really spoke to me, and as recently as 2 weeks ago. My bestie (other friends) and I are just in very different phases of life. She had been busy raising a family and I had far more time on my hands. I had understood, of cos. But still I resented that I had 'lost' a cherished long time friend, I knew in my head, that it's entirely legit that she is busy. And she had felt she had nothing to contribute to our friendship since her stories are all about babies and kids. But after looking around for substitutes and other activities - actually found no one/anything that has any semblance of what we had. So I decided to just call her and just made that reconnection again. I had accepted that 10 mins of her time daily far outweighs 10 hours of someone I don't connect with or have no fond history with.
This doesn't just apply to friendships I realise. Because building and maintaining relationships takes actual work. I mean you both have to want to. And you have to have tradeoffs. You can't be rigid, and you can't get all your needs met... But what I learned, is this agreement to still call and leave messages, text back and forth. We had to try different modes and different ways. Previously I also got really upset when I finally got hold of the person, and start off with angry accusations. This too didn't work, because he would get pissed because I was pissed. We still don't have it pat-down (friends/relationships) but my changed perspective did help, especially for me.
https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/relationships/friendship-maintaining-healthy-relationships-text-calls-memes-5e66e221?st=2jl247gjqb814wr&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink&utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
Apr 10, 2024
😃
You both always agree that you should make plans when you run into each other, but then it never happens. Change that!
Last November, me and this person finally made plans after four years of this shit (thanks to him), and now we hangout all the time! He’s becoming a great friend. It’s real, it works, it’s nice!
Feb 7, 2024
Top Recs from @Jane_Bear
It's this youtube channel making videos about designers with really small apartments and how they make use of their space in really clever ways. Awesome way to fantasize about living in a different city, maybe gain some inspo for your own place, or just admire the cool stuff they come up with. I really like a lot of the Paris ones, that city has crazy small apartments in weird configurations that take some wacky solutions.
Apr 15, 2025
“Bottega Gabriele” in Seattle is the type of place where while eating my meal I met the guy who made its entire family. I think they’re from Calabria and Sardinia. Me and the grandmother got to chatting it up about Virginia Woolf bc we both love modernist literature. The owner gave me some Umberto Eco reading recommendations. This was the type of random interaction to reinvigorate my belief in humanity. Sandwich was fire too.
Apr 19, 2025