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I have had a terrible week. My laptop broke down again. Found out fixing it earlier lost me 400 euros. Film camera broke. New film didnt develop (with some important ass photos on it). My best friend is leaving the country and I got let go from a job last week. All the while Iām in a country that I dont particularly know if I am going to stay for the next while. Safe to say it aint working out cousin. Plus rent is due next tomorrow.
I was in a pit today, and maybe yesterday tooā¦.maybe its the booze (I hope not) or maybe its the good company I had today but I feel better about my situation. I wanna connect, I want to lov thos around me I need to stop lying to myself saying those I surround myself with donāt care for me. This is not just for me, but for you. If you think youāre alone, lonely, spat out and despised by the world, that probably aint the truth. People out there, who donāt have the same second name as you do probably aloso love you. It only takes 2-7 beers with friends to realise that.
Not great but hey, its the best we can do atm.
Its all love,
It always has been.
:*
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This is kinda a long story but I really want to tell it because Iām having so many mixed emotions and thoughts over it.
I just had a work party and I really didnāt want to go because the people I work with are cool but like I donāt want to see all of them on my day off (no offense), but anywho, there was this dishwasher there who Ive met before but never really talk to because we donāt work the same days and he looked so over the party and I was leaving and knew we live near each other (we go to the same college) so I offered him a ride home to which he gladly accepted. I also know heās super introverted and not chatty at all (unlike me the chatty extrovert) so I didnāt force him to talk to me or anything but by the end of the ride I ended up sitting outside his dorm for so long letting him just talk to me and he started tearing up over how he recently just went through all this friend drama and heās feeling so lost and alone and how he went from having all these awesome friends to them kinda screwing him over behind his back. I wish there was more I could have done for him in the moment but I just listened and gave him my number if he ever wanted to talk, but I hope he knows that when I said everything is going to work out and be alright I meant it. heās such a sweet kid and seeing him upset made me so sadš anyways if youve been through this or are going through this, youāre not alone and youāre not a bad person, you just need to find your people and itās okay to take your time and find the ones who make you feel good about yourself and loved and sooo wanted because theyāre out there! Trust me!
Feb 11, 2025
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As someone who is maybe 2ish connections removed from the situation Im assuming you may be referring toā¦ I am so deeply sorry š hope you know that there are many strangers out there who are rooting for you and think you deserve to be happy and treated well, despite being strangers ā¦
As someone who has been through a lot of heartbreak, the advice already given in previous comments is really great . I think in my experience, having 1 or 2 friends that you know really love you and get you, that you can spend time with even if you are really sad and not contributing much, was helpful. If you feel the need to talk about your feelings try to keep it to those people, or a journal. Once you start to feel a little better going out with more people and being more social can really help remind you of what is valuable about YOU.. what YOU enjoy and bring to the world..
Above all it helped me to remind myself that life is going to go on. You will move on, no matter how long it might take. It might feel like the worst thing in the world but i promise you will get through it. Itās just a matter of time :) be kind to yourself while time passes. I cant emphasize enough how deeply I have felt so heartbroken I thought I couldnt go on. Multiple times. Yet here I am.. and you will be okay too ā¤ļø
Mar 3, 2024
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"disclaimer I mention drOg use but in one sentence"
I am so restless.
I am infuriated at the person that I have become because of him. That he was and is still able to have an effect on me. That he is still building our life without me.
That he can move on feeling like a good person. Or what I am assuming. Even more power to him I guess.
But, when I really think about it, I never wanted that life. I donāt want to be in a house in the woods with him, miles away from anything or anyone Iāve known. And the status of legality involved is not my favorite when it comes to thoughts of building a future. I am sitting here, in my parents house, my childhood house, in my old room typing this because I am filled with anxiety. I want to let him go. I will.
I have a bad association with almost everything I enjoy because of him. Iāve been told by my sister, who is one of the most badass people I know; that I will miss him the most when I feel like shit. She is right. When I stop focusing on what I am doing, and let my thoughts drift to him, I physically start to shake. I start to doubt myself again.
I havenāt had stability in 4 years. I have been ignoring myself, my family, and the few friends I was able to make in times where I had left him. I want to take accountability; to apologize to every person Iāve talked to in the past year specifically.
I know that this will be a change, that 4 years with one other person the entire time isnāt going go away anytime soon. The mannerisms, the though processes.
I know I need to go to therapy.
He definitely taught me a lot. I know that he has made me a stronger person in odd ways. I learned more about being an āactualā adult in the emotional sense. Learned that there are a lot of things I havenāt ever thought about in good and bad ways.
That there is so much to life to love.
Funny enough that life will pass by without you noticing it.
He put me in dangerous situations, around people who wouldnāt have a second thought about our safety, isolated me from my family. Very, very toxic. I realize in moments that of course he didnāt care, why would I expect him too? Would pass judgments on everything in the world, including women around. I know way too much about his ex girlfriends. I could give example after example of his behavior but I have yelled and screamed about if for the past month to him and I am tired.
I left him for the month of December, and went back because he had sweet talked me, made me feel heard and understood in what I wanted from him. And I found out he had already slept with another girl and wanted no one to have access to him vice versa. Not my smartest move. I blacked out most of January due to recent physical health issues caused by stress, painkillers, marijuana, alcohol, and a miscarriage. We fought most of February, and I was silent most of march until the end.
i started this because I was so anxious and I wasnāt acknowledging why. I forget how much Iāve been through. Definitely not as bad as some peopleās situation.
And I just got a call from my little sister which reminded me, that I have so much to be grateful for.
The anxiety comes in waves, I know its because i currently canāt remember most of my past. I donāt know what to do with all the memories. But I think this is a good start.
Day by day I am told. if you read this thank you its my anxiety vomit.
Apr 6, 2025
Top Recs from @eoin_mc_loughlin
Living my unemployed Ceo grillionare grindset lifestyle by waking up at 6:30 for no reason. Geniunely took me an hour to wake up tho, still feelsgoodman.jpeg
Oct 15, 2024
This woman works long shifts in what I assume to be some sort of late night establishment (bar/club et) so I will cut her some slack for coming in at this ungodly hourā¦.
HOWEVER IF YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR BLOODY HAIRDRYER PLEASE DONT LEAVE THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN AND DO IT IN YOUR ROOM WITH THE DOOR CLOSED. ALSO PLEASE DONT TAKE 3 SEPERATE SHOWERS AND USE THE HAIRDRYER 3 SEPERATE TIMES.
I have been awake since 3:45am and its now 9am
Oct 18, 2024
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Best form of self love and support ā¤ļø
Oct 18, 2024