Rec | EVERYTHING IS (NOT) MY FAULT

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Every time something happens that's out of my control, I always internalize it and I start sulking, making it seem like I'm somehow at fault for the thing that happened (or didn't happen). Take today, for example. I was supposed to go out with a friend, but she suddenly cancelled without (what felt like) much of a reason. I'm not upset because my friend cancelled our plans, she had every right to, and I won't hold that against her. I think the issue is that I'm upset because my friend cancelled our plans. I had something that I was looking forward to, and now that thing isn't happening anymore. That's the thing that making me upset. And for whatever reason, I'm making it seem like it's my fault that she cancelled, like it's my fault that I'm not going out. Like there was somehow, something that I did, that cause my friend to cancel. The truth is: It's nobody's fault. She had her reason to cancel, and I had no control over that. Sometimes, I find it difficult to accept that this is simply the case for a lot of things that don't go my way. I find it interesting that I can state that this is what happened, but it's like I refuse to believe it. Like I'm lying to myself to try and "justify" what "actually" happened. image via @/hel7l7 on tumblr

@4everinbliss

1d ago

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Assume it's your fault, assume it's okay

A healthy exercise for all of us that have to cooperate with other humans on a day to day basis. (I think most of us, right??) From my experience working as a cook in a kitchen: major f-ups happens all the time. Maybe because something were not communicated properly, maybe because someone is a bit off or maybe because something important was just completely forgotten about by everyone. Usually it's not a big deal, you re-strategise, change the game plan and everything works out just fine in the end. What I've noticed is that when people start calling each other out... that is when shit really begins to hit the fan. To loudly announce "Who did WHAT??", "Why the FUCK would anyone ever??" or just "IDIOT!" are maybe sooome of the more obvious ways cooks telegraphs their feelings regarding these f-ups and mistakes, at least in a not so healthy workplace. Usually it is not this obvious, you probably know about these ways of critique since they're universal. Everywhere where mistakes and f-ups happen there'll always be people glaring, mumbling and trying to subtly imply who's guilty or just find someone to put the blame on and make feel bad. Somehow this always seems to be more relevant than to power through and solve the problems. WEIRD, I know. But how do I go about trying to not be that guy, the guy more concerned about who did it rather than finding a solution, and what do I suggest you should do to avoid becoming that guy? Whenever you find yourself in a situation where a mistake affects you, whether someone bumps into you at the grocery store or you and your peers fail to accomplish that common goal you all had in mind, the first thing that should pop into your mind is "What could I have done different to avoid this?". Always assume it's your fault. Why? Because you know. You know FOR SURE it was a mistake, you know FOR SURE you didn't want this to happen to you or affect anyone around you. Sometimes shit happens, maybe you were tired, inattentive or just having a bad day, it doesn't matter. What matters is that it was an honest mistake and not your ~intention~. Now you may strive to correct it and make sure it won't happen again (even though it might and it'd be okey). After this moment of self reflection you might find yourself in a situation where you come to the conclusion... fuck, I did nothing wrong... They did. What do you do then? Go through a similar train of thought, be kind, assume they meant no harm and that it was a honest mistake. Without bad intentions I think it should be difficult to be truly upset. In the long run I think this exercise have helped me becoming more of self reflecting person, more kind towards other and especially towards myself. Whenever I don't live up to my own expectations I just reflect about what I should've done differently to achieve the result I want rather than thinking of myself as worthless. This to me is a huge key to improving and actually learning. Thanks for the read if you made it this far! And to all of you who think this is obvious stuff, to a lot of people it's not. Trust me on that one.

@benjamins

Feb 5, 2024

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Doing some self reflection

I feel like when things go wrong in our lives it’s easy to blame the world for our issues and very few times do we take the time to reflect on ourselves and check if we are the ones making mistakes. Having flaws is natural but one must take responsibility for their action. Do a little self check and improve yourself constantly! (Be careful not to blame yourself for everything though)

@josefina

Jun 7, 2024

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releasing the blame for things that weren’t your fault

when you were 16 you quite literally did not have the physiological capacity to realize that some things weren’t love and that’s okay (can you tell i’m talking to myself here)