I think mutual activities helps in that regard. Before the internet it was always real life. After there's a lot of hobbies and activities we can do in a room sharing a digital space with others.
Take a class doing something you'd like. Join a club of some sort that would interest you even without other people, like a book club or running. Anything really. Play D&D?! Want to?
All of these will have their sharks, guppies, good folk, and weird yuppies. But reading other people's intentions becomes easier the more you experience being around others.
Be honest with yourself. Be honest with others. Stay safe.
1d ago
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thank you for your suggestions!! i will definitely start putting them into practice! :)
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Allegedly peoplemeet in the real world while doing things. Take a class like yoga or cooking or pottery, join a group related to your interests, go to events, etc. have fun!
May 1, 2024
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ik itโs cliche to say but itโs the godโs honest truth. generally, people make friends because they share an activity. when youโre a kid, the activity is school, and for some adults the activity is work or parenting.
but if you arenโt interested in the friends available from those activities, you literally just have to go out and do things you already like with other people.
i like music, writing, and #gaming. to make friends of my own i just went to open mics, workshops, and local tournaments respectively. try to find equivalents for the events that you like and i guarantee it will not be long before homie candidates are lining up
Sep 9, 2024
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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I'm not a conventionally handsome or even good looking guy. lol I can admit it I'm comfortable being me. Mostly cuz years ago a well dressed older pretty lady with a thick Tennesse accent said "Boy, the girls that know are gonna eat you up."
That Appalachian witch cursed me with the best of luck that day.
1d ago
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But I play D&D with a variety of people. As a DM running the game I've learned over the years that you're basically the narrator to the 5 senses for each player's character. So I've upped my descriptor game to give context. That's when I learned that some players have no internal visuals or dialogue... So I have to show them or they can't even guess what a goblin may look like. Many see words. I see them glance down and look as tho they're reading as I describe the world around them. Then I'm not sure if they sorta see it or not. Many also can visualize pretty well, but younger people seem to have no real concept of dimensions. A 30' by 30' room means nothing to them as a reference. Other peoples brains I think are designed to confuse me. lol But I've been alive 4 decades and my own brain baffles me enough sometimes
2d ago