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Genuinely so fucking tired of being the one to always initiate everything...

It's a long rant so tldr; I am too fucking lonely. I feel like crying right now but I haven't been able to cry for the past two years... Every single time I have to be the one to take the initiative yet no one ever asks me out.... Everytime I hang out with someone, they tell me that they loved being with me but like, can't you ask me out too? I make further plans but no one ever reaches out again. If they don't like me, can't they just tell me straight up? I know I can be overbearing so I keep the words to minimum. I always blend my words to match everyone's humor. I just feel so fucking lonely. I always check up on everyone but no one does it for me. I've never had a single person ask me if I'm doing good and ask me to go out with them to talk and shit... I do it. I do it with everyone. I live so far away from everyone and I can travel for an hour to help anyone out but not a single person does that for me... I love to help everyone out and it doesn't really matter much if no one returns the help because I know I'm crying rn but I'll bounce back in a few days and I'll continue doing what I do, but I can't help but feel disappointed.

@megh

Mar 27, 2025

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living alone?

Honestly my whole life I been by myself, and you might wonder what I mean by that? jajaaj welp, let me tell you a story about me. i struggled early on life due to my father addictions and violent personality, my mother passed away early on too and I gactually got to live with her until 6-7. After that, all I knew was loneliess, I have a brother but he was very brotherly I would say, because we got a long sometimes and sometimes we don't. apart from this i got a stepmother, which had child-like personality so we got a long just like kids. she is a very nice person and struggled a lot by my father sides. we all struggled by his side a lot as he is also a narcisistic. everything had to be about him and so on. i say i been alone, because with my surrondings i was always separeted from the people that truly cared for me and the people that were around didn't really see me, because of this i always had to deal with my emotions by myself and became a very quiet kid. it was awful to put up with shit and always blame it on myself, because that's what everybody is saying. growing up with very emotionally distant people, always leave you the lonely scar. this is why i always wanted to have friends, but in a weird way jajjaja i was very awkward too and violent. i did a lot of things to impress people or to like them, things like putting down other people, or doing silly things in front of everybody. all of this has resulted in me needing therapy (and graduating!) and needing people to approve of me. honestly, i can't pin point the thoughts i had when the need to impress taked over me as they were like the usual. i feel like i been rambling around my loneliness, but that also felt like context. i am now a very different person honestly, but the sadness of not fitting in my family (because i moved out on my own and stopped talking to the rotten ones in my family) and seeing everybody else talking about their mothers and fathers, makes me feel so bad. like i understand that we musn't look to the other persons plate, but when you do and see how empty yours is, is difficult to not go crazy. i crash out from time to time and i allow myself to do so, becuase is fucking hard. i live on my own by my own means in this ECONOMY, so that just mades everything worse. i hate to see people with parents that actually lookout for them, like no matter what they do they parents will always be there to support them. i hate happy families, and the thing my little self always says in the back when i see this is "why not me?"

@conconetedekoko

2d ago

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You Aren’t Alone — we all are

From the Atlantic: ”There is no statistical record of any other period in U.S. history when people have spent more time on their own.” I don’t know anything about you—how funny is that? I couldn’t even begin to guess what your life looks like. I couldn’t spot you in a crowd. If I were a friend, I’m sure I could give better advice. Perhaps suggest joining a local group  I know of, or a class at the gym that always puts me in a good mood. Perhaps introduce you to someone I’ve always thought you’d get along with.  The beautiful thing about the internet is that you can ask this question to the void and the void speaks back. It’s so much easier this way, but so much worse.  Geography, family, shared interests, shared labor. Community used to be inescapable. We still depend on each other for everything, but we do it all at a distance. I’ll chat for an hour with a friend across the country, but I know nothing about the people across the street. It’s a selling point if the grocer can name the farmer who grew your food. I could have been writing this to send to a distant family member, who I want to reconnect with, or an old friend—instead I’m writing to you, a stranger. It’s easier. Our community ties have been broken.  So: what do you, an individual, do? You may find more success if you develop individual friendships tied to a place—several articles about the loneliness epidemic talk about the gym—or a group that meets regularly. Apparently, the best way to beak down peoples’ walls is just to see them constantly. This is true for new friends and for deepening relationships. For those friends and acquaintances you’d like to be closer to, keep inviting them to shit. Set your boundaries, but keep trying. The thing about people is that everybody is interesting and confusing and stupid and wise and mean and wonderful—but it’s safer to spill all that on the internet, where no one can spot you in a crowd. Let people know that you’re around and interested no matter what, and see what happens. It will take a long time, but it’ll be worth it. Not just for you, but for them. For everyone, if we all put the effort in.  I’m sorry—it shouldn’t be this way. But we have to try. We’re all counting on each other <3

@bluz

Apr 23, 2024

Top Recs from @moonbeams

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LOOKING OUT THE TRAIN WINDOW

the original infinite scroll

@moonbeams

Jun 8, 2025

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THE AIRPORT

It's so lawless. You’ll see the weirdest things and no one will care. People are so unabashedly human here. Dead expressions, exhaustion, boredom. You’ll get a coffee, someone else will get a bloody mary, the time is irrelevant. Your priorities will be tested, everything costs at least three times as much as it should, it won’t matter. I love liminal spaces.

@moonbeams

May 10, 2025

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GOODNIGHT MOON STAMPS

I need to send a letter right this moment.

@moonbeams

May 6, 2025